Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors

Happiness

is a state of mind and different people

understands

Correct subject-verb agreement

understand

show examples

it in different ways. Some believe that a person’s level of

happiness

directly correlates with their financial achievement.

However

, there are others who claim that several

factors

can influence

happiness

. I believe that economic

success

Change the verb form

does

show examples

have a significant role in

happiness

but other

factors

are equally important as well. The main reason why people say economic

success

is needed to achieve

happiness

is because everyone needs

money

to live their

life

to the fullest.

For example

, we need

money

if we want to live in a gorgeous apartment or have a nice house.

Furthermore

, we

also

need

money

if we want to get a car,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

wear fashionable clothes or even own

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

household

staffs essential

Fix the agreement mistake

staff essentials

show examples

for our

day to day

Add a hyphen

day-to-day

show examples

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. There’s no denying that all of

are

Correct pronoun usage

these are

show examples

necessary for a happy

life

. Without

money

, as a matter of fact, a person will have to struggle even for the very basic needs of

life

and cannot be happy.

On the other hand

, those who say that

happiness

depends on other

factors

give their reasons as follows.

Firstly

, having a good relationship with family members and loved ones

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

needed to be happy.

For instance

, a person who has

barest

Change the article

the barest

show examples

minimum, but a very understanding family

members

Fix the agreement mistake

member

show examples

and

life

partner can be very happy.

Likewise

, having

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good health is another factor necessary to be happy.

For instance

, a millionaire suffering from cancer can never be truly happy. I believe that

money

is very important, but as long as the basic necessities of

life

are not fulfilled.

Along with

money

, other

factors

plays

Correct subject-verb agreement

play

show examples

a very important role

for

Change preposition

show examples

happiness

Money

can buy medicines but not

bed

Fix the agreement mistake

beds

show examples

. With

money

Add a comma

money,

show examples

one can buy a bed but not sleep.

Happiness

also

a mental state. Those who are satisfied with what they have are really happy.

On the other hand

, there are no

limit

Fix the agreement mistake

limits

show examples

to economic

success

. Some people will always want more. In conclusion, both economic

success

and other

factors

as equally important for obtaining

happiness

. Ultimately, being happy is

mental

Add an article

a mental

show examples

state.

Submitted by rezen.pathan007 on Thu Nov 02 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order of ideas.

lexical resource

Consider incorporating more varied vocabulary and expressions to enhance the quality of your writing.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and eliminate any grammatical errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

351 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjetcs that will be useful in the future such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The argument towards subject choices of university students is to fulfil the market demand. Science and technology are highly sought after, especially in this technological era. While it is true to opt for out of these.
5.5
band
In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?
In some countries there are some individuals who prefer to have their own houses rather than rent a house. I reckon, there are some advantages of renting an accommodation. In this essay I will talk about advantages of house rental and governments providing a financial support for first home buyers.
4.5
band
some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Dealing with smartphones has become an ubiquitous issue of children's lives. While some individuals argue that this gadget bring about plenty of benefits, there are a number of dark sides regarding this widespread phenomenon.
5.5
band
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You are applying for a job and need a letter of reference from someone who knew you when you were at school. Write a letter to one of your old teachers asking for a reference. In your letter: say what job you have applied for explain why you want this job suggest what information the teacher should include Write at least 150 words.
I am writing to obtain a letter of reference from you, as I am applying for a job at a research centre. The application process requires a letter of recommendation from a professor at the last academic institution that the applicant attended.
5
band
Some people prefer to listen to music while studying, as music has a calming effect on the mind. Others prefer a pin drop silence in order to concentrate on the content they are studying and have an undivided attention while they do so. Which option works better for you and why do you think the other option is not viable to ensure a successful study time?
Nowadays people especially students are trying to find best way to stay concentrated while studying and try different methods to do this.

Some people think that personal happiness is directly related to economic success. Others argue that happiness depends on different factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjetcs that will be useful in the future such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?