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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

47.The table below shows the worldwide market share of notebook computer manufacturers in the year 2006, 2007 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

47.The table below shows the worldwide market share of notebook computer manufacturers in the year 2006, 2007 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The table displays information about the
market
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share
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 of notebook computer companies in the world in 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, HP has the largest proportion of
market
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share
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, followed by Dell. Fujitsu and other not-mentioned companies'
market
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share
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 decreased over the
years
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,
while
Linking Words
 the others increased. HP had the largest
market
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share
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 in all three
years
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, in 2006, HP had a
market
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share
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 of 31.4%,
this
Linking Words
 increased to just over one-third in the next year and in 2014, it only rose by 0.25% to 34.25%. Dell started the
period
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 with 16.6%,
this
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 rose to around one-fifth in 2007 and to 26.12% in 2014. Companies not mentioned occupied 22.8% of the
overall
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share
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 in 2006,
this
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 dropped to 19.3% in the next
years
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, and it continued falling steadily to 7,11% in 2014. Toshiba and Lenovo had a similar proportion, with 6.2% and 6.6% respectively in 2006. In 2007
while
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 Toshiba grew moderately to 7.3% Lenovo went down to 6.2%,
while
Linking Words
 in the
last
Linking Words
 year of the
period
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, they had a percentage of 8.12% and 7.1% respectively.
Finally
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, Fujitsu had the lowest
market
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share
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 in all three
years
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, with 4.8% at the beginning of the
period
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,
this
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 decreased by around a half to 2.3% and ended the
period
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 with 3.1%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, years, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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