The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
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In recent times, the
number
of automobiles on British roads
has increased. Some people believe that there will be approximately 29 million vehicles by the year 2000, which made them argue that there should be a replacement for cars
and an international law to control car ownership and use. This
essay agrees with the notion above because reducing the number
of cars
on roads
will clear the air pollution and make the roads
safer for cyclers
.
To begin
with, one of the main causes of air pollution is cars
, which use fuel to operate. This
substance is actually very dangerous to our planet because it creates carbon emissions that harm the ozone. This
is why reducing the number
of cars
can contribute to cleaning the environment. For instance
, Japan has the lowest amount of carbon emissions because most of the people there commute with public transportation.
Not only it will benefit our planet, but it can also
make cyclers
ride their bike freely because they will have more space on the roads
and they do not have to be so careful and afraid of having traffic incidents. For example
, there was research conducted by Indonesian journalists a few years ago, they said that most cyclers
in Indonesia do not have enough space for them to actually ride their bikes.
In conclusion, this
essay stands with the notion that it is better to remove cars
on the roads
because they have impacted the environment and reducing the number
of them can help cyclers
to bike safely.Submitted by ethia.oktaviani on
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accuracy
Ensure all dates and figures stated are consistent and accurate. There was a minor inconsistency with the year 2000 usage.
fluidity
Combine shorter sentences to make the writing more fluid and varied. For instance, 'This is why reducing the number of cars...' can be linked to the prior sentence for better flow.
coherence
Develop a transition sentence or phrase between main ideas to better guide the reader. For example, a transitional phrase from talking about environmental benefits to benefits for cyclists would provide smoother coherence.
depth
Elaborate a little more on the examples provided to solidify your points. For instance, when referencing Japan and Indonesia, you could add a line on how these examples illustrate the benefits of reduced car usage across different contexts.
content
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing the need for alternative transport and international laws to control car ownership.
clarity
The main points are clear, with a logical connection to the question and supported by specific examples such as Japan's use of public transportation and the space issues in Indonesia.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly articulate the main ideas and stance of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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