IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

51.Some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with other types of help rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #aid
It is argued that wealthy
countries
 should help poorer
countries
 in other ways, not only with financial
resources
.
This
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement because some nations do not have essential living
resources
 and these
countries
 need to develop.
Food
 and
water
 are
resources
 that all people need to be alive. There are many regions because of the weather and land, they are unable to produce
food
, so,
although
 other
countries
 support them with money, they cannot buy anything. The best way is to directly offer them
food
,
water
 and the essential products that the poor country may need.
For example
, some regions of Africa are deserts, so people in those places have very scarce
water
resources
, and lots of
individuals
 die because of hunger and lack of
water
. Education and teaching should be provided to the poor
countries
.
This
 is because it is difficult for other
countries
 to support them continuously, and since
individuals
 in poor
countries
 have not studied, they do not know anything but easy activities. Providing education will allow
individuals
 to have knowledge about their surroundings and their bodies, in
this
 way, job offers will be created and the nation will start to develop, so in the future, they will not need more help from others. Recent research concluded that 90% of
individuals
 in poor
countries
 do not differentiate diseases and do not know how to cure them, so what they do is wait for death. In conclusion, there are many other
resources
 that are essential for people’s lives,
such
 as
water
,
food
 and education that should be provided to poorer
countries
 by rich
countries
, I,
therefore
, believe that nations should provide other supplies
besides
 money.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to add more depth to your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure to improve the complexity of your sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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