IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

51.Some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with other types of help rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #aid
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It is argued that wealthy
countries
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 should help poorer
countries
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 in other ways, not only with financial
resources
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.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement because some nations do not have essential living
resources
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 and these
countries
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 need to develop.
Food
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 and
water
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 are
resources
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 that all people need to be alive. There are many regions because of the weather and land, they are unable to produce
food
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, so,
although
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 other
countries
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 support them with money, they cannot buy anything. The best way is to directly offer them
food
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,
water
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 and the essential products that the poor country may need.
For example
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, some regions of Africa are deserts, so people in those places have very scarce
water
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resources
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, and lots of
individuals
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 die because of hunger and lack of
water
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. Education and teaching should be provided to the poor
countries
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.
This
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 is because it is difficult for other
countries
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 to support them continuously, and since
individuals
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 in poor
countries
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 have not studied, they do not know anything but easy activities. Providing education will allow
individuals
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 to have knowledge about their surroundings and their bodies, in
this
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 way, job offers will be created and the nation will start to develop, so in the future, they will not need more help from others. Recent research concluded that 90% of
individuals
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 in poor
countries
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 do not differentiate diseases and do not know how to cure them, so what they do is wait for death. In conclusion, there are many other
resources
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 that are essential for people’s lives,
such
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 as
water
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,
food
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 and education that should be provided to poorer
countries
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 by rich
countries
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, I,
therefore
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, believe that nations should provide other supplies
besides
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 money.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to add more depth to your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure to improve the complexity of your sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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