IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for e.g. working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #e #g #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people think that schools must set up programs for
students
Use synonyms
 to participate in community service without earning money. I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because not only
students
Use synonyms
 can exploit
this
Linking Words
 chance but
also
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 realize how to manage their
time
Use synonyms
 better.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 they may not earn any money, they are likely to take more advantages as a professional employee in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who spend
time
Use synonyms
 at the workplace might be engaged in some jobs as a part of a team that helps them to do their duties accurately, so in their future careers they will respond to these tasks quite better. Another point to consider is that
students
Use synonyms
 would learn how to use their free
time
Use synonyms
 in the right ways
due to
Linking Words
 working, which makes them more organized in their lives.
In particular
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 they work long hours at work, they realize that the
time
Use synonyms
 that can be spent with others
such
Linking Words
 as family and friends is limited so they may appreciate their spare
time
Use synonyms
 more and more.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach may affect pupils' attitude completely to think about their goals and how those aims can be attained by making plans in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 spending
time
Use synonyms
 in seminars, lectures, or talking with people who have enough knowledge and they know in what way people can be successful might be another positive point of using spare
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
students
Use synonyms
 will be able to find many opportunities by working and using their free
time
Use synonyms
 in ways that would be helpful.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear opinion and is structured logically, with an introduction and conclusion. However, aim to create more sophisticated transitions and paragraphing to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You've addressed the prompt well, offering clear reasons for your agreement. To enhance, further develop your examples to be more detailed and directly linked to the prompt.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: