IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for e.g. working for a charity improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some people think that schools must set up programs for
students
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 to participate in community service without earning money. I do agree with
this
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 statement because not only
students
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 can exploit
this
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 chance but
also
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students
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 realize how to manage their
time
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 better.
Firstly
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,
although
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 they may not earn any money, they are likely to take more advantages as a professional employee in the future.
For instance
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,
students
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 who spend
time
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 at the workplace might be engaged in some jobs as a part of a team that helps them to do their duties accurately, so in their future careers they will respond to these tasks quite better. Another point to consider is that
students
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 would learn how to use their free
time
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 in the right ways
due to
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 working, which makes them more organized in their lives.
In particular
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,
while
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 they work long hours at work, they realize that the
time
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 that can be spent with others
such
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 as family and friends is limited so they may appreciate their spare
time
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 more and more.
Consequently
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,
this
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 approach may affect pupils' attitude completely to think about their goals and how those aims can be attained by making plans in their free
time
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.
Also
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 spending
time
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 in seminars, lectures, or talking with people who have enough knowledge and they know in what way people can be successful might be another positive point of using spare
time
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. In conclusion,
students
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 will be able to find many opportunities by working and using their free
time
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 in ways that would be helpful.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear opinion and is structured logically, with an introduction and conclusion. However, aim to create more sophisticated transitions and paragraphing to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You've addressed the prompt well, offering clear reasons for your agreement. To enhance, further develop your examples to be more detailed and directly linked to the prompt.
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