59.Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that publicity makes individuals stop being different and makes
people
want to be physically and mentally the same as others. This
essay completely agrees with this
statement because advertising persuades people
to buy the same product
and tries to make them “special” by buying their products
.
Normally companies will contact famous people
who have a lot of fans to make advertisements for their products
because it is easier for celebrities to contact a larger amount of people
. Also
, as the product
is recommended by someone that the consumers like and trust, then
, individuals are willing to buy it even though they do not like it, and this
causes a large number of people
to have the same things. Recent research concluded, that when products
that are endorsed by celebrities are ten times more easily to be sold.
There are many clothing, jewellery and bag announcements which show that only a small number of people
can have them, and if they buy them, then
they are special and superior to others. This
is because companies know what the consumers are looking for, so they try to make the publicity sound like what individuals want, so the brands can increase the products
purchased. For example
, there are many perfume and bag advertisements, in which they will comment that in order to follow modern fashion, people
should buy their product
since is the most popular product
in the world.
In conclusion, publicity leads to a huge number of people
buying the same product
, and because of how the advertisements are made, people
are willing to buy products
to be more fashionable, I, therefore
, believe that announcements make people
look alike.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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Task Response
Though the essay is largely on topic and the ideas are well organised, it would benefit from further developing your ideas. Try to extend or present more perspectives to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has clear coherence and cohesion, with proper use of introductions and conclusions. However, some paragraphs might benefit more from clear linking sentences to guide the reader through your line of thought.
Lexical Resource
You possess a wide vocabulary, allowing you to express your ideas effectively. But remember using complex words only if they fit naturally into the context. Overcomplication might lead to mistakes. For example, 'publicity' isn't the most suitable way to refer to advertising.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Your grammatical range is quite good, but some sentences feel awkward or unnecessarily complex. Try to balance between simple and complex sentences, aiming for clarity above all things.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?