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Band 6

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
People
 in certain countries feel that owning a
house
 rather than renting one is more essential.
This
 will be discussed in
this
 essay
further
 as follows. For some
people
, owning something that will be kept for a long time is a bare minimum thing to do. With that statement, a
house
 is a place that someone lives in, for a long period of time, and
that is
 why
people
 think that owning a
house
 is more important than renting.
This
mindset
 is not only possessed by a small number of
people
, but it can spread to many others, which is why in certain areas,
people
 tend to have the same
mindset
 about something.
For example
, in my village, almost all of the villagers are the owner of the
house
 that they live in, because they want to possess it.
Nevertheless
, by looking at our
population
 growth chart, years later there has been an increase in the
population
 which led to a decrease in land that
people
 can build a
house
. By that means, having the
mindset
 mentioned above sometimes does not result in a good decision.
People
 have to be aware of the condition of the area they live in, and can not force their opinion unless they are willing to have another conflict in the future. Take China
for example
, their rapid growth of
population
 was the main reason why their land price was so much higher than any other country and even it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 cost much to rent an apartment. In conclusion,
People
 in some countries prefer owning a
house
 rather than renting one, because they have the same
mindset
 that believes owning something that will be kept for a long time is necessary, but it can impact to negative situation because of our rapidly growing
population
.
Submitted by ditajulaikaputri on

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task response
Your essay provides a complete response to the question, but it lacks depth and analysis. Try to elaborate on your points and provide more examples.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is clear, and your ideas are well-supported. However, you could improve the flow by using more linking words and phrases.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but there is room for improvement. Try to use more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance your expression. Additionally, pay attention to collocations and word choice.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally good, but there are some errors that affect the clarity of your writing. Review grammar rules and structures to improve your accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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