The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
The four pie charts depict the information pertaining to the
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
age in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the prediction
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for the
five
Correct word choice
next five
show examples
decades.
Overall
, the population count of Yeman and Italy fell drastically, the former for teenagers and the latter for adults in the following period. To be more specific, in 2000, 46.3% of the populace were adults in Yemen and
this
will reach approximately 57% in the year 2050.
Moreover
, half of Italy's crowd were teenagers and
then
will
be dwindled
Wrong verb form
dwindle
show examples
to 37% as predicted. In the initial year, old age people in Italy was only 3.6% which will escalate to 5.7% in 2050.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
the individuals count in 2000, for the Italian adults and older people were 61.6 % and roughly 24%
then
it
estimated
Add a missing verb
is estimated
show examples
to be reached at nearly 46% and 42.3% respectively.
Lastly
, 14.3% of the Italian population was between 0-14 years in 2000.
Submitted by vivekchovatiya8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
What to do next:
Look at other essays: