IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The up-bringing of children has a major impact on their personality. A part of society thinks that letting children take their own decisions will make them selfish when they grow up, while the other part finds it necessary for their holistic development. In my opinion, allowing children to choose what is good for them will make them strong and independent adults in the future.

#up-bringing #children #impact #personality #part #society #decisions #development #adults #future
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the recent decade,
children
Use synonyms
's
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 and choices have changed drastically. It has become difficult for their parents to find out what their preferences are,
therefore
Linking Words
, letting them choose for themselves proves to be a good option. It not only enhances the child-parent relationship
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 allows them to find out what is best for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a child selects the type of shirt he wants to wear and his parent buys it for him,
then
Linking Words
 it'll not only make the child jubilant but will
also
Linking Words
 augment the feeling of comfort and reliability in him towards his parent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, freedom of choice from an early age plays a significant role in the development of the individual. It will inculcate a habit of
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 informed decisions in
children
Use synonyms
 and make them aware of their preferences, giving them a strong sense of independence and the strength to stick to their values. But is it safe to allow them to take their own selections?
While
Linking Words
 giving
children
Use synonyms
 the right to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 their own decisions can be beneficial, it has certain drawbacks too. These include the threat of exposing the child to an unsafe environment, making them unhealthy by eating junk food
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, of having adverse effects on their mental health by watching unsuitable things for entertainment.
Hence
Linking Words
, imposing certain restrictions can help in
such
Linking Words
 situations.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the ability to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 will improve if
children
Use synonyms
 start making their own choices which will eventually help in grooming their personality and giving them the opportunity and freedom to experience the world in their own way.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are fully addressed.
task response
Provide more specific examples and illustrations to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and well-structured organization of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied vocabulary choices.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: