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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Schools should use films, computers and games to educate children instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Instead
Linking Words
 of teaching with
books
Use synonyms
, schools should use movies,
games
Use synonyms
, laptops and other devices. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because they would be able to store more data in one place and they would get entertained as many of them feel that
books
Use synonyms
 are boring.
Firstly
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, students would not have to search multiple
books
Use synonyms
 for particular information.
In other words
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, they would have all the information in one place which would save time
while
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 doing their studies.
For instance
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, Japan has implemented
this
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 strategy, and they have observed that almost thirty per cent of students’ time is saved.
Therefore
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, I highly agree that
books
Use synonyms
 should be replaced with computers, movies and
games
Use synonyms
.
Further
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, children will get entertainment
while
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 doing studies since many of them feel that studying through
books
Use synonyms
 is boring.
This
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 is because they would enjoy learning through movies and
games
Use synonyms
 since they get bored
while
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 studying through
books
Use synonyms
, and
thus
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 they would feel more urge to study.
For example
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, in research, it was found that almost a hundred per cent of students supported
this
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 decision when a survey was done in 2021.
Hence
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, I strongly agree that
this
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 decision would make children like studies more. In conclusion, it is being argued that schools should replace
books
Use synonyms
 with films,
games
Use synonyms
 and computers. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because children would be able to save time by storing all the information they need in one place and they would get entertainment
while
Linking Words
 studying since many students get bored
while
Linking Words
 studying through
books
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
You did a great job of responding completely to the question with your clear, strong stance agreeing with the statement. You also supported your argument with relevant examples. However, every main point you made should be backed up by a more detailed explanation for further clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, strong conclusion and all the main points are well supported. However, some areas might need better linking phrases to guide the reader from one idea to another. The transitions could be smoother.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary range is fine, but there is still room for improvement. You successfully used less common and idiomatic language which is important in respect of an advanced vocabulary. It would be even better if you could apply more variety of academic and field-specific words related to technology and education.
grammatical range
Your grammatical structure is quite good, there are only minimal issues and none of them seems to obstruct the understanding. However, do try to diversify the sentence structures to show your range and skill.
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