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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
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The diagram illustrates the procedure of how
milk
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other types of
dairy
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 are manufactured for daily use .
Overall
Linking Words
, the production of
dairy
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 and
milk
Use synonyms
 involves eight stages from grazing
of
Change preposition
apply
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the cows all the way
displaying
Change preposition
to displaying
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 them in the supermarkets for public purchase. The first stage starts with the cows grazing in the field.
Then
Linking Words
 the cows are taken from the pasture and
further
Linking Words
 milked by the automated milking machine twice a day. When the first stage is complete, obtained
milk
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 is kept in large refrigeration storage tanks. After that,
milk
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 is collected by a
milk
Use synonyms
 tanker to transport to the
dairy
Use synonyms
 factory. Once the fresh
milk
Use synonyms
 is delivered to the
dairy
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 range of
products
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such
Linking Words
 as cheese, cream and butter are created for daily use. The
milk
Use synonyms
 is packaged and pasteurized ready for delivery. Ultimately the final
products
Use synonyms
 are transported to the supermarkets and shops where they can be purchased by customers.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, dairy, products with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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