IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You were hurt in a minor accident inside a supermarket, and you wish to complain to the supermarket. Write a letter to the manager of the supermarket. In your letter -say who you are -give details about the accident -suggest how the supermarket could prevent similar accidents

#accident #supermarket #manager #-say #-give #-suggest #accidents
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I am writing to bring to your attention the lack of management at the supermarket. I am Maria from Stony Creek. I live just near to central Square supermarket. I am a lawyer by profession so that, I have to visit a supermarket regularly for my printing work.
Last
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 Saturday, I collected some copies from the Xerox shop. I was walking through the aisle and suddenly my handkerchief fell,
then
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while
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 picking that up my hand got rubbed to the glass railing and
due to
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 a broken glass, it tore my skin and it started bleeding. That was really disappointing. I would like to request you to follow strict safety measures at the market for the visitors. Regular security checking should be scheduled at certain intervals. I indeed feel here is a reckless service from the authority, for god's sake that was just a minor injury but who is going to be responsible if anybody will suffer from
such
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 things in the future? Hoping for your prompt action, Yours faithfully, Maria
Submitted by pateldhruvi038 on

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task achievement
Start your letter with a polite introduction rather than immediately pointing out the issue. For instance, 'I hope this letter finds you well' can be a more effective opening.
task achievement
Provide a bit more detail about how the injury impacted you immediately after the accident, such as 'I had to stop my shopping to seek first aid'.
coherence cohesion
Try to smoothly transition between the details of your profession and the accident itself to maintain a better flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking the part about the accident into two sentences to improve readability. For example, '...while picking that up, my hand got rubbed against the glass railing. Due to a broken piece of glass, it tore my skin and started bleeding.'
task achievement
The letter covers all the necessary points, including identification, details of the accident, and suggestions for future precautions.
task achievement
The tone is generally respectful and formal, which is appropriate for a letter of complaint.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs focus on single ideas, which aids in readability and understanding.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear opening and closing, which greatly aids in coherence.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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