IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

The bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.
#bar #poverty #rates #sex #age #states
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The chart illustrates the gender-based and
age
Use synonyms
-based proportion rates of poverty in the United States in 2008. It can be seen a notable fluctuation graph shows as children grow older, the poverty rates gradually
declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
 until the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 and
started
Wrong verb form
start
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 slowly to rise
at
Change preposition
apply
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above 55
years
Use synonyms
 old. All babies under 5
years
Use synonyms
 old, in each gender, had proportion rates of 20%,
while
Linking Words
 children in
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
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 range 5 to 17 scored
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 percentage at 15%. In
young
Add an article
the young
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 adult category of
Use synonyms
age
Wrong verb form
aged
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 18 to 24,15% of
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
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 and 20% of
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
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 suffered in poverty, but the percentage decreases at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 25 by around 9% of women and 15% of men. The proportion
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
 to drop
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 35
years
Use synonyms
 old to 44
years
Use synonyms
 old with approximately 7% of male and 10% of female. The
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 54 had the lowest rate of all with around 9% in each sex. The rate,
however
Linking Words
, bounced back to almost 10% at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 55% to 59% in each gender. It significantly increased
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of 60 to 64 and 65 to 74,
shared
Verb problem
and it was
show examples
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 amount
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 6% to 10%.
Senior
Add an article
The senior
A senior
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group
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 75
above
Correct word choice
and above
show examples
 got nearly 5% of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and 10% of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Submitted by matcha on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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