You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, extracurricular education plays a pivotal role in
humans’
lives. Fix the agreement mistake
human’
However
, there are some people who believe that it is more important to spend time learning the main subjects in order to pass the qualifications. In response to these arguments, I strictly believe that learning the main and the additional subjects are advantageous for students for some reasons that will be set out below.
On one hand, studying additional material outside of the main scope of the curriculum may provide numerous benefits for students, as they are able to gain a broader range of knowledge
outside of their main interest. In the era of collaborative learning, this
method is clearly beneficial for them because it is easier for them to start a project with a larger scope of topic,
Remove the comma
apply
while
maintaining their main subject as the foundation. For example
, those who pursue computer science in university will be able to implement their knowledge
in the healthcare sector if they take biology or pharmacy as a minor in their college, in the form of fitness-related applications. Nevertheless
, they may not be able to be specialists in their main sector.
On the other hand
, students who specialize in their
main scope of their study will excel in terms of in-depth Change the pronoun
the
knowledge
, compared to ones who take majors and minors in college. Furthermore
, they will be able to intensify specific curriculum, because some jobs require their applicants to have degrees as specialists. It can be seen in data scientist jobs, where intense knowledge
regarding machine learning and artificial intelligence are
required to make relevant and accurate decisions in a company. Despite its versatility on the aforementioned job, Correct subject-verb agreement
is
this
may lack flexibility for some people who have not decided on their career path.
In conclusion, while
collaborative learning provides a broader range of knowledge
and flexibility, focusing on specific subjects may also
be beneficial depending on the circumstances.Submitted by riani.the2 on
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task achievement
While the essay has a clear discussion of both sides of the argument, it would benefit from slight expansions on certain aspects. Consider providing a broader range of examples or more varied elaboration to enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point being made and effectively support your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, but work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is seamlessly connected to other sections.
coherence cohesion
When introducing points, make sure they are linked more explicitly to the argument in the introduction or previous paragraph for a smooth narrative flow.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view on the topic, discussing both perspectives effectively.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as how computer science can be applied to healthcare, effectively illustrate the point being discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the context and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and flow of ideas were maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example