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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#people #children #subjects #mathematics #philosophy
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School curriculums contain many different
subjects
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especially
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, especially
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 at the primary and secondary level. Some people argue that
subjects
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 that are difficult for
children
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 like mathematics and philosophy should be optional . I strongly disagree ,
although
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 those
subjects
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 might not be very pleasant for students to learn, they would help them in the future in both career and everyday needs. Learning more different
subjects
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 in the early student
life
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 would help them to have many job opportunities when they grow up.
for instance
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, by studying mathematics in schools
children
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 will learn how to do some statistics
anin
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at
early
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an early
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 age , which would open more job offers in research and trial departments. The more knowledge that people have ,the more job options will be open to them.
Furthermore
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, learning
subjects
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 like philosophy have
positivepositive
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positive positive
 impact on
children
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's daily
life
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 needs. it would help them to understand the world better and deal with their needs in an easy way .
for example
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, nowadays, we need to have knowledge about why wars and crises happen and have our
point
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own point
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 of view,not only that,
also
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 we should
be
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also be
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 part of the solutions for those issues. If
children
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 do not learn how to understand the world in their early
life
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 ,they will face a lot of problems living a good one in the future. In conclusion,
while
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 some people think that some
subjects
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 are not necessarily part of the curriculum, I strongly agree with the other side which thinks that
children
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 would benefit from those
subjects
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 in the future either
career
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in career
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life
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 , or their day-by-day needs.
Submitted by hanabadawy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more detailed introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of synonyms and precise language.
grammatical range
Check your essay for grammar errors and strive for more varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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