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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
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In today's world, the
population
Use synonyms
 of plants and animals are decreasing all around the world. I believe exploring the causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it Environmental pollution could partly account for animal and plant
population
Use synonyms
 decline. Nature is the mammal's home and when people do not pay attention to their shelter(polluting nature with different kinds of garbage) it will result in a low
population
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 because living in polluted areas could bring many diseases or even death. To address
this
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 issue, those organisations related to the environment can hold free webinars to aware people taking care of nature is their responsibility. Global warming can
also
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 explain why the number of these creatures is diminishing. The usage of fossil fuels is increasing day by day and it leads to a high proportion of carbon dioxide in the air, using air pollution is infiltrating jungles and the amount of oxygen breathing is going to be low. It means living will be a challenging task for them to survive and it could result in death. One effective way to resolve
this
Linking Words
 difficulty is trying to find out variety of sources of renewable energy
instead
Linking Words
 of relying on fossil fuels.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though environmental pollution and global warming contribute to a low
population
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 of plants and animals, the government can remedy the situation. In my opinion, teaching individuals how to be friendly human beings and trying to replace other sources of energy are steps in the right direction.
Submitted by aydapiano on

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task achievement
The response addresses the task properly and stays relevant throughout the essay. However, it would be better to provide more specific examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The ideas follow a logical sequence and the flow is maintained. Good use of linking words, although there is room for improvement in paragraph transitions. Try to include more cohesive devices (i.e., demonstrative pronouns, synonyms, linking words) to enhance readability.
lexical resource
There is a decent range of vocabulary used and the style is appropriate, yet there is scope for more precision in language use. Try to avoid repetition by incorporating a more diversified lexical resource. Frequent use of certain phrases can impact the essay's natural flow.
grammatical range accuracy
There are minor grammatical errors found in the essay, but they do not impede the clarity of the arguments presented. You might want to focus on subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
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