IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweighs the advantages?

#rise #convenience #foods #people #life #style #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As we are living in the contemporary era, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to consume fast
food
Use synonyms
 to manage their time effectively on other daily routines. Whilst, consuming ready meals is indeed less time-consuming and advantageous for the
people
Use synonyms
, repercussions of eating junk
food
Use synonyms
 perpetually might pose health-related threats to the
people
Use synonyms
 of the new cult who are entirely preoccupied with their responsibilities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, proper time management is deemed to be one of the most crucial, yet demanded skills by businesses from potential employees to possess
due to
Linking Words
 its revolutionizing impact in overcoming the current world problems
such
Linking Words
 as hectic schedules and fast life activities. During the
last
Linking Words
 decade, the demand for fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants turned them into
such
Linking Words
 business conglomerates that now they dominate the consumer market. Modern
people
Use synonyms
 view the convenience foods
such
Linking Words
 as hamburgers and french fries, as economically affordable options to satisfy their needs, yet they are ready in no time.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can now order their
food
Use synonyms
 with a click of a button regardless of their location and any other precluding factors like geography, language, and technology.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one problem when
people
Use synonyms
 go for convenience foods is the low quality of ingredients and hazardous processing methodology.
People
Use synonyms
 who consume
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 put on additional weight faster owing to the high calories within those meals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from a business point of view, additional chemical admixtures are blended together to produce long-lasting foods that are ready to be cooked instantaneously. As a vivid case of too much fast
food
Use synonyms
 consumption, 30% of Americans are obese and the numbers are counting. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 instant
food
Use synonyms
 helps certain individuals adapt to the constantly evolving comprehensive life activities, the perils of too much fast
food
Use synonyms
 consumption are a primary reason for the increased number of obese
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay provides a complete and thorough response to the task. You discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of convenience foods and offer a clear and comprehensive analysis. Well done!
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical and well-organized. Each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion. Great job!
lexical resource
You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary throughout your essay. However, be cautious of repetitive word choices. Try to vary your vocabulary more to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is strong, with few errors in sentence structure and verb tense usage. However, be mindful of punctuation marks, such as commas and periods, to improve the clarity of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: