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Writing Samples
Band 7

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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In the modern world, the percentage of
people
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 who are overweight is increasing ,and
this
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 is a big problem for the physical health system. Many
people
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 suggest that the best way to solve
this
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 issue is for
students
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 should study healthcare subjects in the school curriculum. I surely agree that children should learn about physical in school. So,
this
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 essay will write about the benefits of learning physical education and will give reasons.
To begin
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 with, the several reasons why
people
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 should study physical lessons. First of all,
students
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 do not have time to work out at their home, but if they have physical classes, they will exercise.
Secondly
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, the physical lesson is not about exercise only ,but
this
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 lesson will teach
students
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 about
food
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 so,
students
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 will know about the
food
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 like what
food
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 is good for their bodies.
For instance
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, the survey found that in many schools which teach
students
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 about physical activities, 90 per cent of
students
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 will have good health.
Thus
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, I believe that schools should have physical lessons in the class
due to
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students
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 will have knowledge about physical
such
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 as
food
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 and health, and they will think that the overweight is very harmful to them. Another point of view, someone thinks
that is
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 not enough to give
the
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apply
show examples
lesson about physicals in schools because some do not study so, they recommend that government should support
people
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such
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 as free fitness for working out, and advertise healthy
food
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 on the Internet or on Television.
To sum up
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, I think that learning physical education is a great way to help
this
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 problem ,but the government should support us too.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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coherence and cohesion
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lexical resource
Work on expanding your vocabulary and using more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and use a wider range of grammar constructions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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