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Band 6

In many countries, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccines in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #vaccines #spread #disease #development
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In most nations, receiving injections has become compulsory for the purpose of preventing communicable illnesses. It is a positive development because it helps to enhance
people
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’s well-being and reduces annual spending for treating and caring. Receiving vaccines against communicable
diseases
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 is salient.
Hence
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, nowadays, many governments have taken important steps to inject medicines for
people
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 who belong to vulnerable groups
such
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 as children, senior citizens and critically ill patients.
For instance
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, there is a policy in Sri- Lanka regarding vaccinations at the birth of a child. Every baby in
Sri-Lanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
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 has been given BCG
injection
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injections
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 to protect from tuberculosis. It is an essential medicine for everyone to build immunity against particular
disease
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diseases
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 and
people
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 obey these policies.
Therefore
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, it is a great opportunity for each and every individual to maintain their healthy lives because vaccines help to increase immunity
in particular
Linking Words
diseases
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.
Furthermore
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, giving injections supports to reduce the annual expenditure. If
people
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 are sick, the government has a huge responsibility to look after them by providing sufficient care and treatments.
In addition
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, states spend a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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 money on the curing process.
Hence
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 they can minimize the amount of money for curing via injections as preventing is better than curing for both individuals and governments. It will greatly contribute
for lower
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to lowering
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 the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
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 communicable
diseases
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.
Therefore
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, vaccines are important to strengthen the wealth of government and it is a positive development to control infectious
diseases
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.
To conclude
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, a number of nations have implemented vaccine programs to protect
people
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 from infectious
diseases
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 and it has become a mandatory requirement in most of these countries.
Therefore
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, it is a productive development as it helps to build up
people
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’s well-being
as well as
Linking Words
 to decrease yearly expenditure.
Submitted by addaragelal on

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coherence cohesion
Provide more clarity in your thesis statement and clearly state your stance on the issue of mandatory vaccination.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear progression of ideas and support your points with relevant examples.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied expressions to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a wider variety of sentence types to enhance your grammatical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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