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Band 7.5

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

#children #countries #people #food #outlets #parents #health
The rapid increase in overweight children in a country like Sri Lanka can be seen in many arguments. As mentioned in the question it can be caused by fast-moving food outlets and careless parents who do not pay attention to their kid's energy. In my opinion, there could be other reasons as well. But I would agree with the mentioned two validations since they are the main causes.
Firstly
, when compared to the past years, the size of kids has rapidly grown. And their well-being is
also
 worse than their elders.
According to
 research carried out by university students regarding
this
 being overweight can lead to many health issues and short lives.
However
, the first main reason for
this
 is junk foodstuff.
For instance
, rolls, pastries and many fried short eats. Since these contain unwanted fat and oil, it affects their energy.
Secondly
, parent's behaviours can make an impact on their children's fitness. Nowadays some elders are sluggish than previous generations and others are busy
due to
 work.
This
also
 affects the youth. Since their guardians are overloaded with work, they tend to buy lunch from outside. So, parents
also
 indirectly support the growth of fast cooking.
On the other hand
,
this
 problem can be resolved by encouraging healthy nourishment and forming campaigns to make the public aware of unhealthy meat which badly affects their fitness.
Moreover
, aware government to prohibit fast snacks so people can have home cooking and healthy cuisines. In conclusion, the obesity problem is rapidly increasing around the world. Mostly in developing countries. From my perspective, the expansion of fast meals and carefree parents are the main clues. To avoid
this
 issue, the community can encourage home cooking and aware the public the impact of prepackaged feed.
Submitted by addaragelal on

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task response
Make sure to clearly express your opinion on the extent to which you agree with the views provided in the question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but it could be improved by providing a clearer introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but try to vary your word choice and use more academic language.
grammatical range
Your grammar is mostly accurate, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word order. Pay attention to singular/plural agreement and verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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