IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to diclosure the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advatages outweigh disadvantages?

#people #restaurants #diclosure #information #dishes #advatages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some argue that it should be mandatory for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurants to reveal the nutritional information of their dishes.
While
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 innovation may have some drawbacks, it is my conjecture that the advantages outweigh them. The most important benefit of nutritional information disclosure is making a
choosing
Replace the word
choice
show examples
 process for people adhering to a healthy lifestyle or some specific diets more convenient. Unable to see all the nutrients contained in food, those with specific eating restrictions will have to call a waiter, who may not know
this
Linking Words
 information, or simply leave the place. Even more important is that right now, some restaurants may save money by using cheap and sometimes dangerous health products with poor nutritious value. With the reveal of nutritional data, restaurants will not be able to hide threatening or unhealthy substances in food, increasing the level of customer safety. Turning to the other side of the argument, after disclosure a restaurant may lose some
customers
Use synonyms
 if the nutritious value of dishes is not as healthy as
customers
Use synonyms
 would like it to be.
While
Linking Words
 without nutrients written in the
menu
Add a comma
menu,
show examples
 regular people do not pay that much attention to what they eat, it can become astounding for them to find out what exactly they put in their mouth. Some small proportion of
customers
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, may change their minds and leave the restaurant, decreasing the restaurant’s revenue. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that the advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as simplification of the choice process for people with specific eating restrictions and
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of all
customers
Use synonyms
, outweigh the drawback of losing
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 small percentage of
customers
Use synonyms
 for a restaurant.
Submitted by arinatiutina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt. In this essay, you have focused on the advantages of nutritional information disclosure, but haven't discussed the disadvantages in detail. Therefore, the response is not fully complete.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and flows smoothly. The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and provide a clear overview of the essay. However, the main points could be better supported with more specific examples.
lexical resource
Overall, your use of vocabulary is appropriate and effective. However, you could enhance the lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and incorporating more academic phrases.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors. However, to improve your grammatical range, try to incorporate more complex sentence structures and vary your sentence length.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: