IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is good to raise children in a city. Others argue that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #children #city #countryside
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In the modern
world
Add a comma
world,
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 most of the population
concentrated
Add a missing verb
is concentrated
show examples
 in the big
cities
Use synonyms
.
some
Capitalize word
Some
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people
Use synonyms
 believe that raising their
children
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 will offer them better access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
services
Use synonyms
.others argue that living in the countryside away from the crowds will allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to grow better mentally and physically. I strongly stand by the second opinion . Those who think that by growing their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 in the big
cities
Use synonyms
 ,they will secure for them better
services
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.
Ont
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the grounds
of
Change preposition
apply
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, governments usually invest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 population,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 different hospitals and clinics and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
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big educational institutes. If
people
Use synonyms
 live in the
cities
Use synonyms
 ,they will not travel to seek better
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 or send their
children
Use synonyms
 to study abroad . Some parents think
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 in the villages will allow them to have better mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
. Clean weather and nature ,
in addition
Linking Words
 to healthy food
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a good environment to grow healthy
children
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 in the
future
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future,
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 they can travel abroad to search for better education and
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. For some
people
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 growing
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 child is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 important thing ,which is difficult
ti
Correct your spelling
to
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 achieve in the big
cities
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 where the
trafics
Correct your spelling
traffics
traffic
 and factories pollution
any where
Join the words
anywhere
show examples
. I believe that ,
although
Linking Words
cities
Use synonyms
 offer better
ducation
Correct your spelling
education
 and
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 , it is better for the
children
Use synonyms
 to grow in small communities like in the countryside.
Integrate
Wrong verb form
Integrating
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 with
local
Add an article
the local
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 community will have less influence on the
children
Use synonyms
's behaviours,
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 will have the chance to teach the
children
Use synonyms
 their
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 and ethics away from the crowd of the big
cities
Use synonyms
 and the
intgratin
Correct your spelling
interaction
 with the
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that
cities
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 better for their
children
Use synonyms
 think that
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 access to
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 range of schools and
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 is important.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the countryside
people
Use synonyms
 like their
children
Use synonyms
 to grow and be mentally and physically healthy. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 that
children
Use synonyms
 integrate with the better behaviour they will have .
Submitted by hanabadawy on

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task response
Include a clear thesis statement and provide a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas and use appropriate linking words for cohesion.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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