IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. Do you agree or disagree?

#meat #diet
Having a veggie foodstuff lifestyle is a controversial debate subject, with advocating for non-veg as an optimal
one
. A number of people believe that humanity does not ought to eat
meat
 in meals
for being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 healthy. I firmly disagree with
this
 statement which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, having only
one
 type of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 might not be a sensible option for everyone because of the variety of traditions. Put simply, there are a plethora of traditions or beliefs in the world
while
 taking the number of countries into account.
For example
, there is a Sacrifice Day in Islam religion that has been celebrated for 1400 years, and sacrificing
sheeps
Correct your spelling
sheep
show examples
 or cows to give charity is a well-known phenomenon all over the world.
Hence
, being a vegetarian is a hardship for Muslims, which is a must to acknowledge the situation.
Secondly
, dishes that consist of only vegetables can not be a great source to equalize your carbohydrate and protein balance. What is more, people whose vocation is fitness need to have more than five thousand calories per day, admittedly, these types of foods can not supply them.
For instance
, if you need to have
one
 thousand calories, you should eat
one
 kilogram of cucumbers or just
one
 hundred grams of
meat
.
To conclude
,
albeit
Change preposition
despite
show examples
 concerns about eating
meat
 for a healthy diet, the benefits of
meat
 are substantial than we expect, which
outstrip
Correct subject-verb agreement
outstrips
show examples
 the drawbacks that are about being healthy. In actuality, everyone can mix vegetables and
meat
 to vanish ailments about health to be unanimous in
this
 situation.
Submitted by yusifakhmad on

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Task Response
The essay partially addresses the prompt, providing arguments against the statement. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement and could benefit from a stronger focus on the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the ideas are generally connected. However, the introduction and conclusion could be improved to provide a stronger overall framework for the essay.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary and there are some attempts at using more complex language. However, there are also instances of repetitive or unclear word choices that could be improved.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures and there are no major errors that hinder comprehension. However, there are some minor errors and occasional awkward phrasing that could be addressed.
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