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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the main methodof transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009

The charts show the main methodof transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009
The pie chart illustrates
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
the comparison
show examples
 of five types
Use synonyms
transportation
Change preposition
of transportation
show examples
 (
car
Use synonyms
,
bus
Use synonyms
,
bicycle
Use synonyms
, train and walking) choices by people who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university in two different
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 (2004 and 2009). The data is presented in
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
. In general, people
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
Use synonyms
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 as
transportation
Use synonyms
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 in 2004 and 2009. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
bus
Use synonyms
,
bicycle
Use synonyms
 and walking have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 in 5 years,
while
Linking Words
car
Use synonyms
 experienced a decrease. In 2004,
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
 was the most
transportation
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 used with
total
Add an article
the total
a total
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 51%, followed by
Use synonyms
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 with a
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 33%. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
, walking and
train
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the train
show examples
 had
small
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a small
show examples
 quantity
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 others, with
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 9%, 4% and 3% each. In 2009,
Use synonyms
bus
Add an article
the bus
show examples
 showed an increase
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 13%
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 it
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest
transportation
Use synonyms
 used for travelling to university.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a significant decrease from 51% to 28%. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 change
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 because there were
car
Use synonyms
 parking charges in 2006 and
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
bus
Use synonyms
 stop in 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
bicycle
Wrong verb form
bicycling
show examples
 and walking had an increase
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 7% and 2%
accordingly
Linking Words
. The rest
transportation
Use synonyms
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
, train, had the same quantity in 2009, with a total
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 4%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words transportation, car, bus, bicycle, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • method of transport
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • cars
  • bicycles
  • walking
  • public transport
  • popular choice
  • reasons
  • changes
  • infrastructure improvements
  • impact
  • transport choices
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