IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbors #cities
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Many individuals dispute that the
relationship
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 between neighbours in large and developing
cities
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 is low and strange. In my point of view, I will discuss more detail about
this
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 problem and the way how to solve it. Developing
cities
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 which provide a high expense of
life
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,
also
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 bring humorous advantages for our
life
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. Working or living in large
cities
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 can lead our lives to become more
cozy
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cosy
show examples
 and enjoyable. Despite the humorous advantages it brings to our
life
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, living in
cities
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 lead to an alert problem about the
relationship
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 of human, specifically in resident.
People
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 need to
work
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 and earn money as much as spending time for other
people
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. The lifestyle of
people
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 who live in
cities
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 is too fast, they just
work
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 and
work
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. Specifically to face to face with other
people
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 to improve their
relationship
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 network.
On the other hand
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, not only for
people
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 who
work
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 to fulfill
life
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, but
also
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 cause of
people
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 who don’t want to speak or have a chat with others.
For instance
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, the famous condition in Japan was called” Hikikomori” which was a strange aspect of humans who don’t want to talk to other
people
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, they just want to stay safe at home.
Therefore
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, it will lead to a harmful impact on our
relationship
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, especially on the residents of our
neighbors
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neighbours
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. To solve
this
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 serious problem, we
also
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 have various methods to use. We need to educate our children about the benefits that becoming friendly and making friends can bring to our lives. First of all, we need to make friends around our residents, it will be easy to make friends with our
neighbors
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neighbours
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.
Secondly
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, they can organize a competition like cooking.. to raise our
relationship
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. IT will be effective if we have a huge prize to encourage them.
To conclude
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, being anti--socialized can make humans become introverts especially those who live in large
cities
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. They have too many things to do in one day and they don’t have enough time to communicate with others. We gain opportunities to have a talk with our neighbours.

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Task Response
The essay addresses the task question but lacks clarity and depth. The arguments are not well-supported and need further development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. The ideas are not consistently linked and organized. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and relevance to the topic.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in expression. There are also instances of inappropriate word choices and awkward phrasings, impacting overall coherence and clarity.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures. There are errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word order. These errors impede the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of community
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • support network
  • sense of security
  • trust
  • cooperation
  • social support
  • integration
  • community events
  • shared spaces
  • neighborly interactions
  • neighborhood watch programs
  • community engagement
  • technology
  • connect
What to do next:
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