IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opmion

#people #attention #opmion
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In the present age, whether advertising is an affected strategy or a worthless idea has sparked much debate. Some people assert that advertising has a significant impact on consumers,
whereas
Linking Words
 many others argue that advertising has meaningless results. Personally, I am in favour of the first view. Convincing arguments can be made that advertising has increased so dramatically, since
last
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 previous ages in a positive situation. To start with, research has shown that publicizing is the most common factor in encouraging people to buy stuff even when they do not need it in their lives.
In other words
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, when the individual is stuck in traffic heading back home, he will realise that a number of posters are in the streets,
then
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 will create the idea of essential need which is not true.
Moreover
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, the majority spent a lot of time in front of their cell phones searching through social media that have enormous advertising sponsors.
For example
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, businessmen have paid the highest amount of money in order to promote their own products on social media.
As a result
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, the mind will be controlled by a specific item that has been promoted in streets and public places. Admittedly, humanity is going forward, technology has increased and there is no way to deny that advertising and admit that it no longer affects and no one is paying attention to it. Even so, companies must provide more ideas and methods to attract the community when it comes to advertising. In summary, I would concede that the latter view is completely wrong. Despite that, advertising is supporting the public and leading them to their essentials without any distractions or searching.
Overall
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, I am convinced that advertising should be completed with more improvements.
Submitted by khaleefalkhalaf on

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task response
Your essay addresses both views of the topic and presents a clear opinion. However, you could provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and use appropriate linking words to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally effective. However, try to vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition and consider using more precise and sophisticated language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally accurate, but pay attention to sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences. Additionally, aim to use more complex sentence structures to showcase your language skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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