IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today, many people do not know their neigbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neigbours #cities
It is widely argued that the connection between the inhabitants has become weaker than before, especially in urban areas.
This
 writer advocates that a busy lifestyle and well-developed equipment are the main causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 issue.
However
, it can be tackled by organizing events in the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
. The following essay will illustrate both causes and solutions to
this
 problem. As a matter of fact, the hustle and bustle of city life makes
people
 busier. The citizens concentrate on their individual careers and businesses.
Therefore
, the industries and quality of life in urban areas are better than in the countryside.
However
, they have less time to meet each other regularly and create a gap between humans. It is clear to realize that young
people
 do not contact their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 and their lives just revolve around houses and schools.
In addition
, busy life affects our
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and habits. The inhabitants are getting used to having their private
living
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. In the digital era, the development of technology and devices is another reason for
this
 issue. In recent years, humans
spend
Wrong verb form
have spent
show examples
 a large amount of time on social media.
For instance
, during
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
 disease, most citizens use the internet and online apps for work and study.
Therefore
, mobile phones become a part of our lives and we spend more time staying online
instead
 of talking face to face. In consequence,
people
 are unsociable and unneighborly, staying in their comfort zone with technologies.
Last
 but not least, the method for
this
 trouble is celebrating social events in the locality in order to find
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 touch.
For example
, on special occasions
such
 as Christmas, New
year
Capitalize word
Year
show examples
 and Easter,
people
 in the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 may organize the party together, it
also
 connects us and builds up memories.
To conclude
, the relationships in large cities are worse than before.
This
 writer believes that
this
 problem should be improved by the community's activities.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and try to vary your sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Communal support
  • Shared responsibility
  • Neighborhood safety
  • Emergency situations
  • Community watch
  • Neighborhood initiatives
  • Communication and trust
  • Anonymity
  • Social isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Community events
  • Online forums
  • Social media groups
  • Neighborhood welcome committees
  • Volunteer projects
  • Community centers
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