some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

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Many people say that unpaid

community

Use synonyms

services

Use synonyms

should be a compulsory part of school programs . I agree with

this

Linking Words

statement and

further

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain why these

services

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should be included in the syllabus.

To begin

Linking Words

with, If the young generation is involved in

Community

Use synonyms

services

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

it will not only help them to enhance their skill but it help them to understand their duties towards the nation.

Community

Use synonyms

services

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give chance to students to learn the awareness of necessary things and to become more attentive to basic responsibilities.

For instance

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a recent survey done by the time of U.S magazine, revealed that 80 per cent of the young generations in Japan are extremely happy to help the government to participate in social

activities

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which is why Japan's economy is too high and a developed nation too.

Likewise

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, Many developed countries provide

community

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helping

services

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along with

Linking Words

the high school curriculum.

Secondly

Linking Words

, leadership skills

along with

Linking Words

responsibility towards the country ,our elders will

also

Linking Words

be developed among youths if they are actively involved in

community

Use synonyms

-based

services

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i.e. painting walls , helping in NGO etc , teaching poor kids etc is far better for school children who is wasting their spare time in playing video games on mobile .

For example

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, In Sweden, the young generation helps the country's army in unpaid

community

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helping

activities

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i.e. plantation,free medical checks

Change preposition

apply

show examples

etc. . Sweden is in the third number among other countries and it has a good economy too.

To conclude

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, No doubt , that unpaid

Community

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helping

activities

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will help individuals enhance their skills , and personalities and

also

Linking Words

help in

overall

Linking Words

development . I believe that the government should include these

activities

Use synonyms

as a part of the curriculum .

preetiaug25Sun Jan 07 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Introduction lacks a clear thesis statement which is a pivotal part of the essay structure. Introduction and conclusion should clearly reflect the main argument for better cohesion.

supported main points

Main ideas should be supported with more specific and varied examples for each point. Avoid overgeneralisation and ensure examples are directly linked to the points being made.

clear comprehensive ideas

Ensure a clear and comprehensive response to the question by addressing why it should be compulsory instead of primarily focusing on the benefits.

relevant specific examples

Include real-world examples to substantiate your arguments, making them more relevant and persuasive.

logical structure

Ensure each paragraph contains a central idea and that each of these is connected to form a cohesive argument throughout the essay. A clear logical flow is important.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

compulsory
high school programmes
unpaid community service
charity
improving the neighbourhood
teaching sports
sense of responsibility
empathy
broader perspective
societal issues
college applications
job applications
positive impact

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some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

Your opinion

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Some believe that tourism does more to create tension between countries rather than helping individuals better understand other cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?