Some people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #study #business #history

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this

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day and age, education has been a controversial topic that often divides opinion.

While

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many people claim that learning about

business

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administration is more beneficial to a nation, others believe that studying

history

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is more advantageous. In my view, each sector serves a key role equally in developing a

country

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Firstly

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, it is worth considering that the world is promoting STEM education.

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this

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reason, choosing the

business

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sector can help students advance more easily in their lives. Research has found that there is an alarming shortage of STEM workers;

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, if a pupil follows

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path, he can have a greater opportunity to find a well-paid job.

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, it is commonly believed that when learning economics, our critical thinking and cognitive skills can be significantly enhanced.

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due to

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the fact that the subjects in

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field require learners to perform outstanding problem-solving and calculating abilities to analyse financial problems.

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business

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learners will become a generation with sharp and flexible mindsets to better serve their community.

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history

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teaches us to treasure our

country

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's background. Specifically, most countries had to experience wars in the past which can serve as a chance for each nation to realise their own weaknesses and strengths. Gradually, national leaders can come up with effective solutions to renovate the society they are living in.

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, by learning about

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past events, millennials will understand how hard it was for the previous generations to protect the independence and freedom of their

country

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Consequently

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, a sense of patriotism will be instilled. Once they are empowered with a strong and profound love for their hometown, they will be more willing to serve the

country

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when needed.

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this

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reason, studying

history

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is as important as learning

business

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To sum up

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while

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working in the

business

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field increases the chances of getting high-paying careers and sharpens one's cognitive skills, choosing

history

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as a major helps create a patriotic generation and locates future plans from lessons learned in the past. To my mind, both sectors are of great importance.

Submitted by phamngoclannhu.97 on Tue Nov 07 2023

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lexical resource

Expand the range of vocabulary by using more varied and sophisticated words and phrases.

grammatical range

Pay attention to the use of complex sentence structures and avoid repetition.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

345 words

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