In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that more and more
people
have a longer life is influencing many countries nowadays. While
some people
think it is good to see more elders living in our daily lives, it seems hat
the high-aged population has a more passive impact on modern society. The reasons will be mentioned in the next paragraphs.
Correct your spelling
that
To begin
with, the ageing population leads to a higher pressure
on the entire medical system. To be more specific, the need for medical skills is higher and higher, for example
, doctors and nurses. However
, it is hard to hire enough professional workers and manage them, which may lead a more pressure
on the staff working in hospitals. As a result
, young people
need to spare their time to deal with caring problems, which is one of the difficult issues for every family.
In addition
, it is more common for elder workers to prolong their careers, which causes some serious problems. Firstly
, young people
do not have opportunities to get promoted, due to
their supervisors not willing to leave their jobs. According to
a recent survey, the retirement age has risen to over 75 years old, which indicates that more and more employees are still working now. Secondly
, in a company, the older managers usually control much more power than others and make the important decisions even if these are related to some newest trends, while
they do not understand any of them, such
as Al, social media, and self-driving cars. Finally
, the younger generation can not receive a higher salary but they still need to take care of their older families, which is a massive economic pressure
.
In conclusion, although
elderly people
are a crucial part of our society, the increasing number of old people
not only causes the pressure
for medical system but also
for the workplace. As a result
, according to
the reasons above, it is not a positive phenomenon for our future.Submitted by vincent3725416 on
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Task Achievement
The essay provides a very one-sided argument on the topic, without adequately exploring the advantages of an ageing population as required by the question. A more balanced discussion of both sides would be advantageous.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer transitions and a logical progression of ideas. Structuring paragraphs with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences would improve readability.
Lexical Resource
Avoid repetition of vocabulary and strive to use a wider range of words and expressions, especially synonyms for terms like 'elderly' and 'medical system'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Work on complex sentence structures and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and varied in length and type. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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