In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is true that more and more

people

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have a longer life is influencing many countries nowadays.

While

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some

people

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think it is good to see more elders living in our daily lives, it seems

hat

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that

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the high-aged population has a more passive impact on modern society. The reasons will be mentioned in the next paragraphs.

To begin

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with, the ageing population leads to a higher

pressure

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on the entire medical system. To be more specific, the need for medical skills is higher and higher,

for example

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, doctors and nurses.

However

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, it is hard to hire enough professional workers and manage them, which may lead a more

pressure

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on the staff working in hospitals.

As a result

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, young

people

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need to spare their time to deal with caring problems, which is one of the difficult issues for every family.

In addition

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, it is more common for elder workers to prolong their careers, which causes some serious problems.

Firstly

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, young

people

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do not have opportunities to get promoted,

due to

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their supervisors not willing to leave their jobs.

According to

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a recent survey, the retirement age has risen to over 75 years old, which indicates that more and more employees are still working now.

Secondly

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, in a company, the older managers usually control much more power than others and make the important decisions even if these are related to some newest trends,

while

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they do not understand any of them,

such

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as Al, social media, and self-driving cars.

Finally

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, the younger generation can not receive a higher salary but they still need to take care of their older families, which is a massive economic

pressure

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. In conclusion,

although

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elderly

people

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are a crucial part of our society, the increasing number of old

people

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not only causes the

pressure

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for medical system but

also

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for the workplace.

As a result

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according to

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the reasons above, it is not a positive phenomenon for our future.

vincent3725416Tue Nov 07 2023

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Task Achievement

The essay provides a very one-sided argument on the topic, without adequately exploring the advantages of an ageing population as required by the question. A more balanced discussion of both sides would be advantageous.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay could benefit from clearer transitions and a logical progression of ideas. Structuring paragraphs with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences would improve readability.

Lexical Resource

Avoid repetition of vocabulary and strive to use a wider range of words and expressions, especially synonyms for terms like 'elderly' and 'medical system'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Work on complex sentence structures and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and varied in length and type. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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