IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The food travels thousands of miles from farm to consumer. Some people think it would be better to our environment and economy if people only ate local produced food. What extend does the advantage outweigh disadvantage?

#food #thousands #miles #farm #consumer #people #environment #economy #advantage
It is certainly true that our environment and economy would be better if native people ate local production.
While
 accepting that, I believe that eating local
food
 is more likely to have negative outcomes. There are several benefits leading to
this
 trend. A common advantage is that some lands in some regions are unable to plant or produce anything.
For example
, fruits
such
 as lychee cannot be grown in the South of Vietnam and durian or papaya is a tropical fruit that cannot be grown in the North.
Furthermore
, if individuals only depend on regionally produced
food
, they would lack the taste of other unique productions.
As a result
,
this
 can boost regional economic growth
as well as
 the impact on the environment.
However
, in spite of these positive effects, I am of the opinion that these benefits can be outweighed by the drawbacks. One obvious disadvantage is that the nation's economy would not progress if the governments
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 unable to receive taxes or fees from the farmers. Another negative effect is that lack of foreign trade could bring many drawbacks to international relationships between country and country.
Therefore
, transporting
food
 is the
most
Correct word choice
best
show examples
 option to cater to the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of humans.
Moreover
, in the growing major, local
food
 does not always reach the basic
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
 for citizens daily. In conclusion, eating locally produced
food
 brings both benefits and drawbacks.
However
, generating enough
food
 to feed everyone is the main key
due to
 it can harm the environment. It seems to me that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
Clarify your main argument in the introduction. It's a bit unclear whether you are for or against local food consumption based on the first sentence.
task response
Ensure consistency in how you present your argument. The last line suggests something new or contradictory to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
In the second paragraph, clearly distinguish between benefits and drawbacks, as the transition between the ideas seems abrupt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Consider using more linking words or phrases to improve flow and readability.
task response
You successfully provide specific examples, like the different fruits grown in various regions of Vietnam, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and conclusion, providing a complete structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • locally sourced
  • sustainable farming
  • food miles
  • supply chain
  • economic resilience
  • nutritional value
  • cultural diversity
  • food security
  • seasonality
  • imported goods
  • environmental impact
  • local economy
  • fresh produce
  • agricultural diversity
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