IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#people #experiences #child #school #influence #future #life #teenager
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Some say that
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
experiences
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the most influential on a child's
future
while
 others argue that
experiences
 as a teenager are more important.
While
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 human's talents and abilities are mostly discovered during the
first
 5
years
, I personally believe that the
years
 between 13-19
years
 have a more profound impact on our lives because of the
career
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 that we make in
this
 time. In the
first
 few
years
, our brain develops tremendously and the child can learn at the highest rate in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to all other life periods, resulting in the name "the golden
years
".
As a result
, a human's
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
 and talents
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 mostly
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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activated and discovered in
this
 stage.
For example
, the musical talent of Mozart was discovered when he was only three and from
this
ponit
Correct your spelling
point
, he received intensive training, which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to his successful
career
 as an adult.
However
, most childhood memories will be forgotten when children get older and
for
this
 reason, the
experiences
 at these ages will not have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 deep impact
in compare
Change preposition
compared
show examples
 to
experiences
 in the teenage
years
.
On the other hand
, the teenage
period
 is the time when a person
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 the
future
career
 path for the
future
 lives. The reason is that, in opposed to inactive learning processes as a child,
this
period
 is the time when a student can actively
decides
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 their preferences and invest in their favourite fields, which lead to their
first
 goals in their careers.
Moreover
, it's possible that the adolescent choose to follow a different path than their natural talents.
For example
, despite his interest in literature and poetry, at the age of 19, Nobel chose to follow his family's
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 after his father's death to
maitain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 his
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. In conclusion, even though the
first
 five
years
 can be a crucial
period
 in children's lives, the
experiences
 that they have as a teenager have a deeper influence on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the
future
 for
this
 is the
period
 of
career
 path formation.
Submitted by tieuvuphuonghoa on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing with concise topic sentences that directly relate to the question. Develop main points with more specific detail and varied examples.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, and ensure that your position is relevant and well-supported throughout the essay. Include a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your opinion.
Lexical Resource
To improve your lexical resource, focus on using a wide range of vocabulary without being repetitive. Employ synonyms and less common expressions appropriately to add variety to your essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Work on complex sentence structures, incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Also, check your use of tenses, and ensure subject-verb agreement is consistent throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future life
  • experiences
  • childhood development
  • bonding
  • socialization
  • peer interactions
  • basic skills
  • education
  • learning
  • friendships
  • independence
  • identity
  • exposure
  • new ideas
  • perspectives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: