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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that children should do extracurricular activities after school. Others think that they can put pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

.
While
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 many people support the idea that extracurricular
activities
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 help
children
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 grow in meaningful ways, others believe these
activities
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 may increase stress and take away their free time. In my opinion, I consider that participating in these
activities
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 plays a vital role in developing
children
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’s skills and shaping their future. On the one hand,
according to
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 some, joining after-school programmes is useful because it helps
children
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 build character and social skills.
In other words
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, when
children
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 take part in sports or clubs, they learn how to cooperate with others, communicate clearly, and solve problems effectively.
For example
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, a child who participates in a football team will often become more disciplined and learn to respect rules.
As a result
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, their self-confidence grows.
Moreover
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, involvement in different
activities
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 gives students the chance to explore their interests and passions.
This
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 may lead them to set goals and stay motivated throughout their school life.
On the other hand
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, some people claim that extracurricular
activities
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 can put unnecessary pressure on
children
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. One reason is that if they are involved in too many tasks, they might struggle to focus on their schoolwork. When a child spends long hours at practice or events, they often come home tired and may not complete their homework properly. A clear example is students who attend daily training sessions and end up falling behind in class.
Consequently
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, their performance may drop. Another concern is the lack of rest. Since young learners need time to relax and recharge, being constantly busy can affect their mental and physical health over time.
To sum up
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,
although
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 people hold different opinions, I believe that engaging in extracurricular
activities
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 offers
children
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 strong benefits, including personal development, motivation, and long-term success.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by adding more points in support of the argument against extracurricular activities to strengthen your discussion. This would show a deeper engagement with both perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more explicitly in some places, perhaps using more linking words to clarify the relationship between your arguments. For instance, consider using phrases like 'On the contrary' or 'In addition' more frequently to enhance cohesion.
content
The essay presents a clear opinion and develops arguments logically. Your points are insightful and well-articulated, especially about personal development through extracurricular activities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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