In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In some
countries
we can witness tremendous requests in owning a Add a comma
countries,
home
instead
of renting one. In my opinion, this
is due to
several reasons including financial security, and stability and control over lives. Totally, it can be considered as a positive situation.
Firstly
, I am sure that it is acknowledged by many that owning a home
can make individuals feel safe in some aspects such
as long-term financial security. Since, the owner of a property may impose high amounts of rental, and in some cases, it increases yearly people prefer to buy an estate for themselves. Additionally
, it can be considered as a financial resource in tough times. In other words
, when owners need money they can sell it or it can provide a valuable asset which can be passed down to the next generations. For instance
, the children of a family who has
several properties would be wealthy in the future.
Secondly
, the more people have control over their lives the more satisfied they are about that. Renting a home
takes all one's freedom in designing, decorating, and even partying. In
Change preposition
On
contrary
, when individuals Correct article usage
the contrary
property
they are free to do almost Add a missing verb
have property
every thing
with it and personalize their house. Take an individual who owns an asset as an example, he/she can Correct your spelling
everything
mo
modify their place based on their interests and preferences without needing permission from a landlord.
By way of conclusion, once again I reiterate my opinion about Rephrase
apply
this
matter. However
, in some situations
it is beneficial to rent a Add a comma
situations,
home
such
as short-time
accommodation in a city and it depends on personal circumstances. Totally, in my view, owning a Correct your spelling
short-term
home
is profitable and make
people Verb problem
gives
have
more opportunities to make decisions about their lives.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by reihanetorfe on
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Task Response
The essay does not fully address the task, as it lacks a clear discussion of why owning a home is important for people in some countries. The introduction and conclusion are weak and could be improved to better address the task prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, resulting in unclear and disconnected ideas. The introduction and conclusion need to be more substantial in order to improve coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary and uses a mix of simple and complex language. To improve the lexical resource, the use of more precise vocabulary and idiomatic expressions is recommended.
Grammatical Range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. To enhance grammatical range, focus on using a variety of sentence structures and maintaining consistency in tense and agreement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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