IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Apart from earning money, companies also have social responsibilities. I completely agree with the latter point of view.

On the one hand, setting up a business has a myriad of advantages. First and foremost, individuals can have a golden opportunity to make a profit.
For example
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, nowadays most
people
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 open their own restaurants or markets in order to make money. But, sometimes
people
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 may doom a failure.
Therefore
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, it requires a lot of effort.
Also
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, if somebody fails, it shatters their confidence. Second
all
Rephrase
apply
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, by making money citizens might have a chance to afford anything which will put them in trouble,
such
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 as taxes personal expenditures or the pricey things that they person want to have.
On the other hand
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, establishing their own company will give them an opportunity to give a helping hand to other
people
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. There are a variety of ways to help others. First of all, owners of the industrial companies or the various factories could improve labour policies and
also
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 there
have
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has
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 to be diversity.
For instance
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, if there is a lot of
people
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 from different culture, it may help to create an enjoyable working atmosphere.
As a result
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, it might increase their productivity.
Also
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, they are able to take delight in their working life. Second of all, when the bosses increase the wages of their employees, it might work for the worker's advantage. Huge businesses are capable of reducing taxes. It leads to a better life for the population which is suffering from lack of money.
To sum up
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, by starting up their own business make a profit and do other individuals a good turn.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not clearly presented. The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
The response partially addresses the task but lacks depth. The specific examples provided are not fully relevant to the points made.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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