In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are different views regarding the government's focus on
transportation
improvement.
While
there is a strong pro-opinion on investing in the construction of bullet
trains
and railway lines that connect cities, others support the idea of upgrading current public
transport
infrastructures and services more. Personally, I agree with the first idea because speedy
trains
would help the country achieve more than just
transportation
excellence. It is true that public
transport
is playing a big role in people’s lives, especially in hectic big cities. Public
transport
provides customers, like students and professional workers, an affordable option for moving from point A to B. Improvement in
this
area means better services that cover a wide range of values,
such
as more carrying capacity, faster speed, bigger area coverage, cheaper price, and superior comfortability. Those refinements would definitely reduce the usage of private
transportation
modes like cars and motorcycles, which in the end would
also
solve the congestion and environmental problems. One of the independent studies proved that a capital city like Jakarta benefited from the development of MRT (Mass Rapid Transfer), by reducing those factors by up to 25% and increasing the city’s economic growth rates by 15%.
However
, the construction of very fast intercity
trains
is
also
crucial in a greater scope.
While
existing public
transport
improvement helps the community to reach the pinnacle of
transportation
excellence, the bullet
trains
aim a higher target of achieving fairer economic distribution nationwide. To explain, the connectivity created by the very fast train networks generates accessibility to people in rural areas.
In addition
to that, the shorter duration reduces the need for housing in the inner city area.
Furthermore
,
this
also
leads to the enhancement of people's purchasing power where they would spend the money they earn in the big cities on small businesses around their homes in rural areas.
This
is a proven concept and is already being implemented by advanced nations like Japan and China. In conclusion,
although
spending money on existing public
transportation
would mostly increase the happiness of customers, the investment in bullet
trains
is more important because of a bigger impact.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear logical structure throughout. While your essay was adequately structured, some transitions between ideas could have been smoother to enhance the overall flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay did well in doing this, which set the stage for discussion and effectively summarized the main points towards the end.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with clear and specific examples. While you did provide examples, some seemed generalized. More specific references, data, or studies could have enhanced your argument's persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
Ensure a complete response to all parts of the task, presenting a balanced discussion and a clear opinion. You have done this but could further balance the discussion by allocating equal space to both views before presenting your opinion.
Task Achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas within your essay. You showed a good ability in concept development but pay attention to providing equal elaboration for all perspectives to fulfill the task requirement.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to back up your points. You included an example about Jakarta, but more specific details or additional examples could strengthen your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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