In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and theri levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #theri #levels #health #fitness #measures

In today's hectic world Obesity is

the

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show examples

major issue

facing

Wrong verb form

faced

show examples

alot

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a lot

of masses.

This

comes with not only health problems but

droping

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dropping

the

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apply

show examples

self confidence

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self-confidence

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, laziness,

lonliness

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loneliness

and so on. In

this

essay, We discover the main engenders

as well as

furnish the solutions to alleviate it effectively. To commence with, Nowadays,

world

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the world

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become a war of success,

compition

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competition

fame

Correct word choice

and fame

show examples

. Everyone wants to become more popular. Individuals

doing

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work beyond their capacities to

fulfill

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fulfil

show examples

their daily needs. Humans

converts

Change the verb form

convert

show examples

into machines. Owing to

this

, They do not acquire proper time for their diet, sleep and

fittness

Correct your spelling

fitness

For example

, A lady has a 9 to 5 job. She

awake

Verb problem

wakes

show examples

up in the morning to household shores,

prepare

Correct subject-verb agreement

prepares

show examples

their kids for school,

Correct subject-verb agreement

goes

show examples

office

Add an article

the office

an office

show examples

return

Correct subject-verb agreement

returns

show examples

back home and

Correct subject-verb agreement

does

show examples

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

household

shores

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chores

show examples

and

tend

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tends

show examples

to sleep at night.

This

acitivity

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activity

going

repeatedely

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repeatedly

Additonally

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Additionally

, Youngsters

attract

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are attracted

show examples

more towards junk foods

instead

Add an article

a health

show examples

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

diet. They usually consume soft drinks, burgers , pizza etc which

is tend

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tends

show examples

them to obesity.

Moreover

, Children spend most of their time

to play

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playing

show examples

games on

computer

Add an article

the computer

a computer

show examples

, using mobile phones and hardly

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

any outdoor activity which keeps them healthy.

However

There

Fix capitalization

there

show examples

are plenty of solutions to cope with

this

problem.

Firstly

Government

Correct article usage

the Government

show examples

should

Verb problem

make

show examples

some reduction

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working hours so that people

obtain

Verb problem

have

show examples

more time

focus

Fix the infinitive

to focus

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on their

fittness

Correct your spelling

fitness

Also

, In the office,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

twice a month organize kind of sports events which encourage employers towards games and

assit

Correct your spelling

assist

them to become healthy.

Secondly

, Schools focus more on physical activities like

to play

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playing

show examples

games,

arrange

Wrong verb form

arranging

show examples

school level

compition

Correct your spelling

competitions

every week which

helps

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help

show examples

learners to become fit and healthy,

bring

Wrong verb form

bringing

show examples

them to social awareness camps where they acquire

aknowable

Verb problem

knowledge of

show examples

the importance of healthy eating and so on.

Last

but not least, Parents try to develop

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

of healthy living and eating in their lives. Because children always copy what their parents do. To

recapitualate

Correct your spelling

recapitulate

Sandatary

Correct article usage

a Sandatary

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

the

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common problem in today's world which

agument

Correct your spelling

argument

individuals to obesity, heart attack,

diabates

Correct your spelling

diabetes

lonliness

Correct your spelling

loneliness

, depression and so on. If we

sehcdule

Correct your spelling

schedule

our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and do

accordingly

, I think we easily tackle

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

it.

Submitted by 1402randhawapreet on Tue Nov 07 2023

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Task Achievement

The essay demonstrates some understanding of the task, but it could be more focused and develop the ideas in a more organized manner. The development of ideas lacks clarity and depth, and the coherence of the essay is weak.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are weak and lack clarity. The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and the paragraph structure is not well-organized, leading to confusion and lack of coherence.

Lexical Resource

The lexical resource is limited, with a number of inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. There is a lack of variety in vocabulary, and the register is not always suitable for an academic essay.

Grammatical Range

The essay has a number of grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, tense inconsistencies, and awkward phrasing. There is also a lack of sentence variety and complexity, which affects the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
59Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

354 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
calorie-dense
processed food
junk food
unhealthy eating habits
physical inactivity
lack of exercise
sedentary lifestyle
unhealthy lifestyle
fast food consumption
advertising
stress
busy lifestyle
nutrition education
access to exercise facilities
cultural factors
government intervention
healthy lifestyle promotion
education on healthy eating
exercise facilities
taxes on unhealthy food
public exercise facilities
regulating advertising

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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and theri levels of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is argued that mobile phones and other electronic devices have no place in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people believe that violence in the media, such as in television programs and films, directly results in violent behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Popular events like the World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way to what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish, causing pollution on land and in the water, so people think they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?