IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the provision of healthcare is the responsibility of the state, while others believe the individual to be responsible for the costs of their own healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these perspectives?

#people #provision #healthcare #responsibility #costs #perspectives
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Nowadays, It is quite obvious that the topic of whether "The provision of healthcare is one of the government duties or not?"has been debated on our social media platform,
therefore
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, there are two sides to the opinion. In my perspective, I agree with the opinion that
this
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 should be one of the state's duties. On one hand, the healthcare of the population is the primary requirement that they should receive by the country because everyone wants their own life to be healthy and not to be worried about the high cost of medical fees.
For instance
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, the family members have a severe disease,
conversely
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, the medical fee is too expensive. It will be hard for families that have low incomes to afford the cost,
therefore
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, the fee should be controlled and provided by the government so these groups can access the best healthcare that they should receive.
On the other hand
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, the authority should improve their medical technologies and tools to be up to date because nowadays, individuals can discover that in recently, there are many new diseases that occur in our world,
hence
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, in terms of the medical profession, it is quite obvious that
this
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 will be hard for the doctors to deal with the new diseases,
therefore
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, the cooperation between the state and the public health is the most appropriate solution to deal with
this
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 issue.
To conclude
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, good quality of health should be provided for the population,
therefore
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, they will have a good quality of not only life but
also
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 their health. The state should give their best to
this
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 issue and cooperate with every party involved in
this
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 issue to resolve and find an alternative way.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task response
The essay discusses the two perspectives and takes a clear position, providing relevant supporting points. However, the arguments lack depth and development, and could benefit from a more substantial exploration of the opposing viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the ideas are logically organized within the body paragraphs. However, some of the topic sentences could be more specific and guide the reader more effectively through the essay.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary to express ideas, but there are instances of imprecise or inaccurate word choices. Additionally, some sentences could be phrased more concisely to improve clarity and coherence.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates good control of a range of grammatical structures, but there are instances of errors in sentence structure and word form. Some sentences are also overly complex, which affects clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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