IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

While
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 some argue that individuals should stop working at a certain age, others believe that continuing assignments can bring personal and societal benefits. In my view, the decision to work after retirement should be left to the individual, and no one should interfere with it.
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons for choosing to remain active in post-career
life
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 is to maintain mental and physical well-being.
For example
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, after spending decades following a structured routine, many individuals find it difficult to adjust to a completely new lifestyle,
while
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 continuing to engage in familiar tasks or professional roles helps them stay mentally stimulated and emotionally balanced, reducing the risk of issues like depression or cognitive decline.
Additionally
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, financial stability is
also
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 one of the major reasons. To be clear, a lot of the masses have no backbone to support them in their early days, and despite working all their
life
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, they still don't have enough money to take care of their needs without any earnings. In
this
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 condition, it is not passion but necessity to do a job. Moving forward, opponents of working beyond the traditional retirement age have several reasons to support their view.
Firstly
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, they argue that the enjoyment of
life
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 is crucial.
For instance
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, some believe that if a person spends their entire
time
Use synonyms
 working, they may miss out on opportunities to relax and enjoy personal
time
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.
For example
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, an elderly man who lived near my house was constantly busy with duty, even during his leave days, often rushing to complete tasks ahead of schedule. Unfortunately,
this
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 relentless effort ethic took a toll on his health, and he suffered a fatal heart attack.
As a result
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, he passed away without ever truly taking
time
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 to care for himself or enjoy growth.
To conclude
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,
although
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 both viewpoints have their advantages and disadvantages, I believe individuals should retire and take advantage of the
time
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 by spending it with family or travelling.
This
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 allows them to fully enjoy the rewards of their hard work and maintain a balanced, fulfilling
life
Use synonyms
 after decades of employment.

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task achievement
Make sure you clearly explain both sides of the argument before giving your opinion. This will help improve your complete response score.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'however' to make it easier to follow your points.
task achievement
Make sure your examples directly support your main points. This will help boost your score for relevant examples.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion on the topic and explained your reasons well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay had a good introduction and conclusion, which is important for structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • financial security
  • physical and mental health
  • youth unemployment
  • job opportunities
  • fresh perspectives
  • hobbies and interests
  • passionate workers
  • flexible retirement options
  • social security
  • recuperate
  • decades of hard work
  • contribute skills and experience
  • financial difficulties
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