Some people claim that arts such as painting and music cannot affect people’s lives directly. The government should spend money on other things. what is your opinion?
It is true that the
questions
of whether government should allocate money for other useful things Fix the agreement mistake
question
instead
of arts
because of its negligible impact on people’s daily lives. While
I acknowledge that arts
may be favorable
to some extent, I am of the opinion that funding for people’s basic needs and Change the spelling
favourable
healthcare
system Correct article usage
the healthcare
are
more beneficial.
Change the verb form
is
Firstly
, it is reasonable that arts
such
as painting and music is
advantageous to some extent. One of the major benefits which are derived from Change the verb form
are
arts
is that it may teach students about their own culture and history
. In fact, history
is a theoretical subject with traditional teaching methods which might not motivate students to actively engage in the
interactive class activities. Correct article usage
apply
However
, thanks to arts
like drawings, sculpture or historical related
songs, students might be aware of the importance of Add a hyphen
historical-related
history
and culture; therefore
, they will study these subjects in earnest. Consequently
, they can have a deep understanding of their own origins and national identities, leading to the
higher levels of patriotism and civic duty.
Despite the aforementioned benefits, there is no doubt that spending money Correct article usage
apply
into
other pressing social issues is more Change preposition
on
favorable
. One of the things which the government should channel money into is people’s basic necessities. Indeed, citizens in some countries Change the spelling
favourable
are suffered
from natural disasters which trigger many difficulties they have to struggle with on Wrong verb form
suffer
their
regular basis. Change the word
a
For example
, the local
in some Fix the agreement mistake
locals
areas
affected severely by flood
or typhoons often are faced with Fix the agreement mistake
floods
shortage
of food or accommodations, proportionally being vulnerable to nutritional deficiency or disease. Add an article
a shortage
Hence
, the local authorities should prioritize to tackle
these problems over Change the verb form
tackling
arts
. Another one is Correct article usage
the arts
healthcare
system. In reality, public hospitals in rural Add an article
the healthcare
areas
are not equipped with modern medical infrastructure; thus
, the locals are inclined to flock to metropolis’s
hospitals to access high-quality medical services which might put a heavy strain on hospitals in urban Change noun form
metropolis
areas
. Therefore
, the government should invest in healthcare facilities, reducing the imbalance among different areas
.
In conclusion, although
arts
may be advantageous to a certain degree by virtue of the
artistic expression in terms of Correct article usage
apply
history
and culture, I espouse the notion that the state’s budget investing in other things is more encouraging on the basis of the aforementioned reasons.Submitted by thuyhang.ueb2019 on
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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed fully. Provide clear arguments and examples to support your points. Focus on the direct comparison of the impact of arts and alternative areas where government spending could be allocated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Continue to use clear paragraphing and transitional devices to organize ideas logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that all points are related to the thesis statement.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more academic and precise terms to convey your ideas. Ensure that the language used is appropriate for the academic context of the essay.
Grammatical Range
While overall the grammar and sentence structures are mostly accurate, aim to use more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles in your sentences.
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