Some people claim that arts such as painting and music cannot affect people’s lives directly. The government should spend money on other things. what is your opinion?

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It is true that the
questions
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question

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of whether government should allocate money for other useful things
instead
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of
arts
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because of its negligible impact on people’s daily lives.
While
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I acknowledge that
arts
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may be
favorable
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favourable

The spelling of favorable is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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to some extent, I am of the opinion that funding for people’s basic needs and
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare

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system
are
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is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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more beneficial.
Firstly
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, it is reasonable that
arts
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such
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as painting and music
is
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are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject arts such as painting and music. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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advantageous to some extent. One of the major benefits which are derived from
arts
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is that it may teach students about their own culture and
history
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. In fact,
history
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is a theoretical subject with traditional teaching methods which might not motivate students to actively engage in
the
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apply

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interactive class activities.
However
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, thanks to
arts
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like drawings, sculpture or
historical related
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historical-related

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songs, students might be aware of the importance of
history
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and culture;
therefore
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, they will study these subjects in earnest.
Consequently
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, they can have a deep understanding of their own origins and national identities, leading to
the
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apply

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higher levels of patriotism and civic duty. Despite the aforementioned benefits, there is no doubt that spending money
into
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on

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other pressing social issues is more
favorable
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favourable

The spelling of favorable is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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. One of the things which the government should channel money into is people’s basic necessities. Indeed, citizens in some countries
are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer

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from natural disasters which trigger many difficulties they have to struggle with on
their
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a

The word their may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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regular basis.
For example
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, the
local
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locals

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in some
areas
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affected severely by
flood
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floods

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or typhoons often are faced with
shortage
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a shortage

The noun phrase shortage seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of food or accommodations, proportionally being vulnerable to nutritional deficiency or disease.
Hence
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, the local authorities should prioritize
to tackle
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tackling

To tackle doesn’t seem to work here.

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these problems over
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts

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. Another one is
healthcare
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the healthcare

The noun phrase healthcare system seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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system. In reality, public hospitals in rural
areas
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are not equipped with modern medical infrastructure;
thus
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, the locals are inclined to flock to
metropolis’s
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metropolis

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hospitals to access high-quality medical services which might put a heavy strain on hospitals in urban
areas
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.
Therefore
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, the government should invest in healthcare facilities, reducing the imbalance among different
areas
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. In conclusion,
although
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

arts
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may be advantageous to a certain degree by virtue of
the
Correct article usage
apply

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artistic expression in terms of
history
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and culture, I espouse the notion that the state’s budget investing in other things is more encouraging on the basis of the aforementioned reasons.
Submitted by thuyhang.ueb2019 on

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed fully. Provide clear arguments and examples to support your points. Focus on the direct comparison of the impact of arts and alternative areas where government spending could be allocated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Continue to use clear paragraphing and transitional devices to organize ideas logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that all points are related to the thesis statement.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more academic and precise terms to convey your ideas. Ensure that the language used is appropriate for the academic context of the essay.
Grammatical Range
While overall the grammar and sentence structures are mostly accurate, aim to use more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles in your sentences.
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