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Band 6

In many countries, most shops and products become identical. Some people think it is a positive development, while others believe it is a negative development. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #shops #products #people #development
Due to
 globalization in many
countries
, most shops and
products
 become similar. Whilst some people argue
this
 to be a positive development, others think the opposite.
Although
 I acknowledge the benefits of
this
 trend, I strongly believe
this
 to be a negative development. Thinking in terms of accessibility of international
products
 in the cities,
this
 change benefits individuals since they don't have to travel big distances to buy specific things because everything is found close by.
Moreover
, having the same international chains around the world, ensures the quality and reliability of the selling items, since they are most likely to be popular among the masses.
This
 ensures greater customer satisfaction. All these things are beneficial for the individuals,
however
, the impact on the environment
as well as
 the societies should be taken into consideration. Shipping and delivering tons of
products
 to the shops is harmful to the environment. It would be
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 beneficial for the natural preservation
as well as
 the local society if the product would be locally produced.
Furthermore
, having only international big chains means, that most amount of the income is going straight to the big headquarters of the organizations
elsewhere
 and not to the community. Higher prices
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and workforce from abroad result in negative changes in the economic stability of
countries
. There is a high risk of the local crafts and culture being forgotten
thus
 effecting negatively on the cultural heritage
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if all the attention and trends are coming from international markets.
Therefore
, in my opinion, identical shops
as well as
products
 cause greater problems in
countries
.
In contrast
, despite the obvious appeal of international
products
 on the market everywhere, which benefits
in
Correct article usage
the in
show examples
 many ways the customer, in my opinion,
such
 change results in the problems of preserving the cultural heritage and crafts of the
countries
as well as
 causes economic problems since most of the money goes to international businesses.
Submitted by katja.otavina on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly outline the main points and your personal opinion. Add a clear thesis statement to guide the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and appropriate paragraphing to enhance the logical structure of the essay. Use linking words to connect ideas within and between sentences.
Lexical Resource
Utilize a broader range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. Show flexibility in word choice and use of synonyms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range
Incorporate complex sentence structures, accurate use of tenses, and a wider range of grammatical structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and proper punctuation throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • homogenization
  • globalization
  • identical
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • enhanced competition
  • lower prices
  • cultural diversity
  • limited choices
  • individuality
  • balanced approach
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