Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your experience.

An argument has arisen between two views, the first one claims that children should learn
while
playing,
while
the second group objects to that.
However
, in
this
report, I will go through both sides of
this
conflict, and explain why I completely agree with
this
statement. Playing is important, cheerful, exciting, and beneficial ;
as a consequence
, it is essential to play and have
fun
. For
further
explanation, many scientists suggest that playing is a helpful way to build the person's personality and unique traits
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and to improve the individuals' understanding of themselves.
Additionally
, a lot of reports show that having
fun
is an ideal method to lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative feelings because it helps the child to
conentrate
Correct your spelling
concentrate
on joyful activities
instead
of being serious during the whole day.
Moreover
, many parents admit that their children's behaviours dramatically
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
after playing
fun
games
;
therefore
, having
fun
is extremely helpful, useful, and necessary. Even though the points mentioned above are
influencung
Correct your spelling
influential
, there are reverse points that hold equal influence.
To begin
with, educational
games
are strategic, brilliant, interesting, and effective. To illustrate that, many experts acknowledge that learning through playing is a perfect way to increase the child's recognition and awareness because it encourages young people to study without feeling bored.
In addition
, a lot of posts on social media show that, on the one hand, there are a lot of exciting activities that mix having
fun
with learning at the same time.
On the other hand
, other non-educational
games
are useless, less beneficial, and time-consuming because children do not get any benefit from them.
Also
, some studies capture that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
limited merits of
fun
activities, and only the educational ones cause a variety of positive results. In conclusion,
although
playing in general leads to many positive consequences, educational
games
hold more advantages, and
that is
why I completely agree with the statement mentioned above.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Examples
Strive to include more varied and specific examples from real-life experiences or wider sources to enhance the relevance and specificity of your arguments.
Coherence
To strengthen coherence, consider linking your ideas more clearly within paragraphs and using a wider range of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between them.
Task Response
While your essay presents a strong stance, improving on providing a more balanced view before concluding can enhance the depth of your discussion.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, transitioning smoothly into and out of the body of your essay.
Structure
The essay provides a logical structure, presenting arguments in a clear and organized manner.
Support
Your main points are well-supported, making your argument stronger and more convincing.
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