Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers – playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their education ad their working lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

There is an argument that youngsters waste their
time
doing silly things on PC,
such
as playing, chatting or watching videos,
however
, it can be a remarkable way to turn offspring into able to work on the laptop in their planned activities. I partially agree with
such
a point of view, because even though it is important for kids working on
computers
to achieve their future goals in education and work life, it is not a good idea to encourage children to spend so many hours with
this
kind of activity. On the one hand, the computer is important for kid’s lives, because it can develop skills for attention and concentration,
consequently
, youngsters will have more focus on their tasks and will have more pleasant results in their future lives.
For example
, it is estimated that 55% of the young population in Latin America who have access to
computers
from their home have more skills with technological devices than those who only have access to
computers
in public institutions.
Additionally
, it can be challenging for children to control their
time
using technological devices,
therefore
, parents must be present at
this
moment to prevent their kids from overusing micros.
On the other hand
, it is not an interesting idea that youth spend so much
time
playing games or chatting with friends because it can be dangerous,
thus
, parents must control their
time
, who are the people they chat and all sites that their loved ones are visiting on internet.
For example
, it is known that a large number of youngsters in the USA already suffered some attacks on the internet,
consequently
, they can experience trauma in their lives.
Moreover
, kids tend to isolate themselves by using
computers
for a long
time
,
consequently
, it can bring mental diseases.
To conclude
, I do believe that the computer is the better option for those who desire to have more focus for achieving their goals for the future, in spite of developing more concentration in their daily growth. Ideally, not only should children be careful with the use of the internet, but
also
parents must regulate the use of it.
Submitted by aracellyfontes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the given prompt but lacks depth and a clear stance. The examples provided are relevant but lack specificity and depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary and uses a mix of simple and complex structures. However, to enhance lexical resource, use more precise and varied vocabulary to convey meaning.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures with relatively few errors. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on more complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: