Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #music #cultures #ages

There has been a consensus among a number of the public that

music

can gather

people

, despite diversity in culture or age.

Although

all kind of

music

is not desirable for all generations, I think we always can find a piece of

music

that we all enjoy, because

music

is a universal

language

thus

it can lead to greater social boundings and provide joy for all.

Music

can bring us all together and everyone can understand it, no matter what your first

language

is. There are

numrous

Correct your spelling

numerous

music

tracks that make other

people

joyful. we do not need to know any

language

to understand

music

. Take Yasano Kitaro

for example

, he is one of the most famous musicians in China

while

he never learned formal and official

form

Fix the agreement mistake

forms

show examples

music

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

he could play the guitar at the precautions age of 6 and at the age of 10 he

exhibit

Wrong verb form

exhibited

show examples

a concert at New York City to

people

whom their

language

was totally different with him.

While

always

music

was enjoyable, it can grow our social life too.

For instance

last

year I attended one of Alireza Ghorbani's concerts and during that

concert

Add a comma

concert,

show examples

I made two good friends, and now I

am seeing

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

them on a regular basis. I think

this

friendship grew because I saw

people

with similar tastes and

personlity

Correct your spelling

personality

to me and

that is

great.

In contrast

, all kind of

music

is suitable for all

people

. Kids in their

adulesin

Correct your spelling

adolescent

period seek hard Rock

while

in the meantime elderly generation seeks more calming and

slow paced

Add a hyphen

slow-paced

show examples

music

. For

illustration

Add a comma

illustration,

show examples

I can mention myself and my grandmother i like Pop

music

and she listens to Iranian traditional

music

To conclude

, there is a saying that

music

can provide social bonding, despite some details I agree with

this

statement.

Submitted by anayasinwriting on Wed Nov 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are somewhat hasty and lacking in depth. The essay would benefit from a more thorough introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the writer's position and main points.

task achievement

The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments. However, the response could be more comprehensive and offer a more balanced consideration of both sides of the argument.

lexical resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccurate word choices and awkward phrasing. There is a need for more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.

grammatical range

There are frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and agreement. The essay would benefit from more varied and complex sentence structures, and greater control of grammar and punctuation.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

300 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe physical education classes should be mandatory for all school aged children. Some people argue children should use their spare time on academic purpose. Discuss both point of views and give an opinion

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?