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Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now,while others thinks that their earnings should be saved for future.discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #earnings #future
There is no denying the fact that what to do with
money
 can be a debatable subject.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that some individuals believe that
money
 should be spent for their pleasure. there is
also
 an argument that
money
 should saved to be financially stable in
future
.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,
Money
 can be used to fulfil desires and enjoy life.
In other words
, it can provide a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment,
In addition
, it can help in creating lasting memories and experiences.
For example
, if you want to travel with your family and have a lot of memories it can only be done with
money
.
On the other hand
, to have financial security and stability you should save
money
 for the
future
. It is
also
 possible to say that it is
also
 good in case of unexpected situations to have emergency funds.
Moreover
, it can help in the
future
 for Investments for long-term goals.
For instance
, there is a study that has been done on 500 retired to see who has achieved their goal the group that saves their
money
 achieves all of their goals. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question.On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that to be between not saving all your
money
 and not spending it all, I suggest that you make a plan to know how you save
money
 for the
future
 but
also
 have a happy life by spending some
money
.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, resulting in a lack of coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. Ideas are not sufficiently supported with relevant specific examples. The response to the task is somewhat complete, but the ideas are not thoroughly developed and lack clarity and comprehensiveness.
task response
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but the ideas are not thoroughly developed and lack clarity and comprehensiveness.
lexical resource
The lexical resource demonstrates some vocabulary and phrases appropriate to the topic, but there is a need for a wider range and more accurate use of vocabulary. The transition phrases can be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.
grammatical range
The grammatical range and accuracy need improvement. There are significant errors in the use of tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. More complex grammatical structures and a wider range of sentence types should be used.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • money management
  • financial decision
  • financial stability
  • instant gratification
  • desires
  • enjoyment
  • satisfaction
  • lasting memories
  • experiences
  • financial security
  • emergency funds
  • long-term goals
  • retirement savings
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