IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Globalization has become a major phenomenon in the modern world, affecting culture, economy, and social norms. Some people believe that globalization brings more advantages than disadvantages, while others argue that it has negative effects on cultural identity and diversity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
globalisation
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 has become part of our lives and has an impact on several aspects of society. Some
people
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 think
globalisation
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 has more
benefits
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,
whereas
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 others believe that it has negative impacts on culture. In my opinion, I believe that the
benefits
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 of
globalisation
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 are greater than the negative effects.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that
globalisation
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 has many
benefits
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 for society.
This
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 is because it provides individuals with more opportunities, which improve
people
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’s quality of life.
For example
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,
people
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 can gain job opportunities or study in other countries.
Also
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, it helps companies enter new markets, which can support economic growth and provide new jobs.
This
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 may reduce unemployment and help families earn a stable income.
As a result
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, they can enhance their quality of life and build a better future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others believe that
globalisation
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 has a negative impact on local
cultures
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 may be influenced by other
cultures
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 and start losing their identity, habits, and traditions.
For instance
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, young
people
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 may copy the clothes or lifestyle of other
cultures
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instead
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 of following their own local culture.
In addition
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, the spread of movies, music, and fashion may make younger generations less interested in traditional clothes or local habits.
Therefore
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, some local traditions may gradually disappear over time.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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globalisation
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 may have a negative impact on local
cultures
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, I believe that it has many
benefits
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 because it provides better opportunities for
people
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.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why the good points are more important than the loss of local culture.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but they need more depth. For example, say how work and study in other countries can help people, and give one clear case of a local custom that may be lost.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Add a real or made-up example, such as a small local shop selling to people in other lands, or young people no longer learning a local dance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, one side, the other side, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “For example” well. Try not to use “This is because” at the start of both main parts; use other simple links, such as “One reason is that” or “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part more direct. State again that you think the good effects are greater, then give the main reason in one short, clear sentence.
task response
You discuss both the good economic and social effects and the bad effects on local culture.
task response
Your own view is clear in both the first and last parts.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one main idea, an example, and a result, so the flow is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The end matches the view in the start, which gives the essay a clear whole.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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