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Band 3

The digital age has made the gap between the younger and older generations wider. Give reasons for your own answer.

#age #gap #generations
As technology is becoming a necessary part of everyone's life, it's
also
 affecting the relations between younger and
elders
.
To begin
 with,
people
 are spending more
time
 with their phones than their families.
As there
Correct word choice
There
show examples
 are many applications
such
 as games,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
 media on the phone. Children spend most of their day playing games and uploading pictures or chatting on social media. They don'
t
 go out with their families and sometimes don'
t
 even have dinner with their parents. Artificial intelligence is taking part in every corner of the world which is making life harder
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
elders
 and easier
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
.
For example
, in grocery stores, cashiers are being replaced by
self serving
Add a hyphen
self-serving
show examples
 machines.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, for
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
generation
Add a comma
generation,
show examples
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 easier and
time
 saving
whereas
, old
people
 do not even know how to use the machine.
Moreover
, as
people
 are online most of the
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
, they do not know about the actual world around them like their own cultures. Because they don'
t
 have much knowledge about their culture, they don'
t
 really enjoy the cultural activities which makes
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 move far from their
elders
. As
people
 enjoy the digital life more they become more
distances
Replace the word
distant
show examples
 from
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation because
people
 of old age
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not use the technology.
To conclude
, moving on with the
time
 is good but one should never forget that old is gold. They should respect and still stay connected with
elders
 and their own cultures.
Submitted by jvirk2468 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas effectively. The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but the ideas need to be more comprehensively developed with relevant examples. Consider providing more specific and detailed examples to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital age
  • gap
  • younger generation
  • older generation
  • technological advancements
  • rapid pace of change
  • overwhelming
  • adept
  • digital devices
  • communicate
  • interact
  • resistant
  • knowledge
  • skills
  • reliance
  • divide
  • attitudes
  • privacy
  • online security
  • widening
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