IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #reason #effects #individuals
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Sleeping less is becoming more widespread to many
people
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 these days.
This
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 essay will examine the cause
as well as
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 the effects related to
this
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 practice. There are a variety of different causes for
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, a heavy workload needs to be done during the day for many
people
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 nowadays.
For example
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, many children have to stay up late to complete their homework until midnight. Another contributing factor to mention is that there are a lot of internet programs that tempt
people
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 to go to sleep very late.
For instance
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, thousands of
people
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 enjoy spending hours in bad habits of watching TikTok, and Facebook and playing online games
instead
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 of sleeping on time which former generations never did in the past. Unexpectedly, there are some significant effects to be taken into consideration. The first and most important is that lack of sleep affects health as a long-term issue. Regarding some research, those who go to sleep very late feel very tired the following day and they will get some black skin under their eyes. Another effect no less important is that with a few hours of sleep, it is difficult for
people
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 to focus on their work and complete it effectively as their business expects. No matter what types of reasons and effects are, it always causes concerns and worries among
people
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 around including family members, friends and colleagues. In conclusion, sleeping less is a big problem that affects a lot of
people
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 nowadays. It’s mainly caused by the workload and temptations of the internet. From what has been discussed, it is advised that children and adults should find a way to arrange their workload and try to get rid of bad habits of accessing into internet when they are in bed.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task response
Provide a clear introduction that addresses the prompt. Develop the main points and provide specific examples to support the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay into paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Use transition words to connect ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Improve the use of vocabulary by using a wider range of words and more precise expressions. Avoid repetitive words and phrases.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and accuracy. Use a variety of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and word choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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