Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Public
health
is a very important theme to discuss in our society. Start from ministers and government workers, and end with simple civilians arguing
on
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over
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health
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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.
This
essay will try to figure out the best
way
to increase
peoples
' strength and take care of them. Some
people
say that the best
way
to improve public
health
is by increasing the number of
sports
facilities
. There are many good ideas and
this
one isn't
exclusion
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exclusive
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. Creating new
sports
centers
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centres
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truly impacts
on
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apply
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peoples'
Correct your spelling
people's
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health
, because they can
became
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become
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stronger in special buildings working with special equipment. In my own experience,
i
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I
show examples
know 3 different
persons
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people
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who are used to
go
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going
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to
sports
facilities
and their organisms really becoming stronger and more powerful.
In
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On
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the other hand, some
people
think that
this methods
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this method
these methods
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of constructing new
facilities
would have little effect on public
health
and that other measures are required. Yes, if
people
won't
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aren't
be
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apply
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attracted
with
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to
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created
facilities
, the places
couldn't
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won't
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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on
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apply
show examples
peoples'
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people's
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health
.
Also
,
new
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a new
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sports
center
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centre
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project may be very expensive for
city
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the city
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and other social services, like education or public safety under the risk of staying without money. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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popularization of
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
lifestyle will be a great
way
to increase
peoples
' strength
level
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levels
show examples
. With new
maked
Correct your spelling
made
show examples
films, videos and advertisements about
health
people
would understand the role of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle and will do
sports
to grow their body up. They can do it at their homes and neither special
facilities
nor
sports
centers
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centres
show examples
will be necessary. No matter by which
way
we'll increase
peoples
'
health
level. The only important thing is their lives and happiness.
Submitted by kamashzhazira on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not organized in a logical manner. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement to effectively frame the essay. The main points are weakly supported and lack coherence.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the ideas are not fully developed. The response lacks clarity and comprehensive ideas. Relevant specific examples are provided, but they are not effectively utilized to support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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