Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Public
health
Use synonyms
is a very important theme to discuss in our society. Start from ministers and government workers, and end with simple civilians arguing
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
health
Use synonyms
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
essay will try to figure out the best
way
Use synonyms
to increase
peoples
Use synonyms
' strength and take care of them. Some
people
Use synonyms
say that the best
way
Use synonyms
to improve public
health
Use synonyms
is by increasing the number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. There are many good ideas and
this
Linking Words
one isn't
exclusion
Replace the word
exclusive
show examples
. Creating new
sports
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
truly impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
peoples'
Correct your spelling
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, because they can
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
stronger in special buildings working with special equipment. In my own experience,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
know 3 different
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
who are used to
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
and their organisms really becoming stronger and more powerful.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other hand, some
people
Use synonyms
think that
Linking Words
this methods
Change the determiner
this method
these methods
show examples
of constructing new
facilities
Use synonyms
would have little effect on public
health
Use synonyms
and that other measures are required. Yes, if
people
Use synonyms
won't
Correct your spelling
aren't
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
attracted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
created
facilities
Use synonyms
, the places
couldn't
Correct your spelling
won't
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
peoples'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
project may be very expensive for
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
and other social services, like education or public safety under the risk of staying without money. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
popularization of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle will be a great
way
Use synonyms
to increase
peoples
Use synonyms
' strength
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. With new
maked
Correct your spelling
made
show examples
films, videos and advertisements about
health
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
would understand the role of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle and will do
sports
Use synonyms
to grow their body up. They can do it at their homes and neither special
facilities
Use synonyms
nor
sports
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
will be necessary. No matter by which
way
Use synonyms
we'll increase
peoples
Use synonyms
'
health
Use synonyms
level. The only important thing is their lives and happiness.
Submitted by kamashzhazira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not organized in a logical manner. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement to effectively frame the essay. The main points are weakly supported and lack coherence.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the ideas are not fully developed. The response lacks clarity and comprehensive ideas. Relevant specific examples are provided, but they are not effectively utilized to support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: