IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

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Nowadays, the advancement of
science
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 and
technology
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 is on the rise, yet artists
such
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 as musicians, painters and writers are still highly appreciated.
This
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 is because arts like music, paintings and books tell us things that
science
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 and
technology
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 cannot.
To begin
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 with, musicians express their feelings through songs they create, in which, a sense of feeling is absent in
science
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 and
technology
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. Their songs often imply some meaningful messages to the listeners, and
that is
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 how a singer communicates to the audience.
For example
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, a song namely Heal The World by Michael Jackson tells a story about the world
that is
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 continuously desecrated by human beings.
This
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 song has gained millions of listeners, showing how a three-minute-long audio can greatly impact people's lives.
In addition
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 to that, paintings are symbols of creativity that have their own value. Indeed, there are AI-generated art designs, but anything created with feelings is more relatable for the viewers.
Moreover
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, artists understand the depiction of today's reality,
whereas
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 artificial art only communicates under a command.
Likewise
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, advanced
science
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 and machinery can never replace the existence of
book writers
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bookwriters
. They write stories about both reality and fiction, and they recognise to whom their books are addressed. Fabel writers,
for example
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, write stories for children, and
therefore
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, they use appropriate language
that is
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 suitable for young people.
To sum up
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, artists are irreplaceable regardless of the massive development of
science
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 and
technology
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. The presence of feeling is the element that art makers possess to convey meanings.
Nevertheless
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,
science
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 and
technology
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 do not have a soul to express things.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, consider organizing your ideas more coherently, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea that ties back to your thesis. Use transitional words and phrases to guide your reader smoothly through your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined. While you have included them in your essay, you could strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively.
Task Achievement
You have illustrated your main points with explanations and a specific example, but strive to include a broader range of examples from various art forms, which could further support your ideas and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay responds well to the task prompt with a clear position, and you have presented comprehensive ideas related to the subject matter. Further develop your ideas by deepening the analysis of how art gives insight into life in ways that science and technology cannot.
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